Lips of an angel
by BikerChick101
Summary: Season 1 Gossip Girl, Nate and Serena, inspired by the song 'Lips of an angel', "Some things are harder to get over because they are real" please read and review :
1. Honey why you calling me so late

**Disclaimer : I do not own Gossip Girl or Lips of an angel**

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><p><em>Honey why you calling me so late<em>

It's almost half past twelve when Nate checks the time and answers his ringing phone, it's been another crazy night and all he wants to do is pass out on Chuck's couch but that wasn't happening until his phone stopped ringing.

"Hello," Nate mumbles pushing the blanket off him.

There's music playing in the background muffled most probably by a door but no-one is answering and Nate is getting irritated, he's also falling of to sleep with the phone attached to his ear. He knows it isn't his girlfriend because she's pissed with him for something and she'd never call this late. He's nodding off until he hears her whisper a 'hi' so soft that he would have missed it if her voice wasn't programmed in his mind.

"Serena it's late," he says softly, he doesn't even know why because he's alone in the suite, Chuck left 10 minutes ago for something Nate didn't even want to know about.

"How'd you know it was me?" she asks and he knows that she's gripping the phone to her ear tightly.

"I always know," he says taking a moment before bringing a hand up to rub the sleepiness from his eyes. "Why are you up so late? Where are you?"

"Georgie's in town and she decided we needed to party," she says, Nate can vaguely hear the noise in the background and the tone of her voice that say 'I didn't want to, she made me' but he thinks he's too drunk for this.

"Do you want to be there?" Nate asks he just needs to be sure she called for him to get her out of there, he knows Serena is all for the parties, she loves getting wasted and high and pretending to be older then she is to get guys to buy her drinks, most of it was inspired by Georgina but ever since she came back she hasn't been going out much, ever since she started dating Dan he knows she's been unusually clean and sober, he knows because sometimes Blair vents and he's in the room listening to everything Serena's been up to. "Does _Dan_ know where you are?" there's a bitterness to his voice when he says Dan's name because he doesn't like how the Brooklyn boy's been making himself important in Serena's life the way he's always wanted to be.

"No and no," she says and her voice breaks and he's really sober now and not at all tired.

"S, where are you?" he asks concerned as he swings his legs of the couch and slips his shoes on. "I'm coming to get you."

"I don't know," she replies controlling her voice. "I don't know Natie."

"Ok, calm down," he says as calm as he can be, letting out a breath and listening to the music in the background, the DJ announces his name and Nate knows where she is, he and Chuck met the DJ a few nights before, who was playing there every night for one week only. "Wait there for me I'll be there now ok, don't leave."

Nate pulls on his jacket and runs out of the suite straight into the cab he called as soon as he got off the phone with Serena. When he finally gets to the club there are people everywhere, girls in skirts so short they are barely there and tops so tight he can't tell how they can breathe but none of the people outside are Serena. Panicking he checks his phone and calls her when he cant find her, it takes him straight to voicemail and he wishes Chuck was around to help him because Chuck is good in these situations not him.

He pulls out his fake ID and thanks God that he's still in his formalwear to get into this club, once he's in he sees a blur of people and curses at the crowd that just bumped into him. It takes him a little while of drinks spilled on him, girls grinding on him and the huge worry that she may have already left or something could have happened before he spots Georgina's dark hair and Serena's blond at a set of chairs close to the bar. He practically sprints to her, doesn't care who he pushes to the ground in his haste.

Georgina's flirting with some really old guy who has his hand up her skirt and there's another guy who's pushing himself onto Serena who clearly doesn't want him to be on her. Nate pulls the guy off her and the drunk man just puts his hands up in surrender and stumbles away to hit on the next girl he sees. Nate breaths a sigh of relief as he pulls her up so she can stand, she barely stands up straight before falling onto him. Nate just holds her for a second before steadying her and wonders what she's had.

"I'm glad you're here," she says wrapping her arms around his neck. He's not supposed to be doing this, he promised he'd stay away from her but he just can't turn her down when she asks for his help, when _she_ needs_ him_.

"Let's get you out of here ok?" he asks but he doesn't wait for her answer before he drags her out of there, she waves to Georgina who is still busy and just nods at Serena to acknowledge her leaving. Nate keeps a tight grip on her as they make their way out of the club, he doesn't care who's watching he just needs them out of this place.

"Where we goin?" she asks swaying slightly as they walk on the sidewalk.

"Who's at home S?" Nate asks because he needs to know where to take her, he can't take her to Chuck's because his best friend will tell Blair who would be even more pissed because he's gotten strict instructions to stay away from the gorgeous blond. He has his arm around her waist protectively, keeping her steady.

"No-one," she replies stopping suddenly to bend down and take her heels off. "Erik's at Grandma's and mom's on holiday."

He's never been happy that Lily has always been the absentee parent, although right now he's thrilled that he doesn't need to sneak her in or explain anything to anyone. Nate nods and steers her in the direction of her apartment, she's twirling and she has this huge grin on her face and she's stumbling and tripping over her own feet and she's just so Serena that he finds himself laughing along with her more then at her for being as drunk as she is.

When they finally reach her apartment, Nate takes her up to her room and there's a moment where he's got her laying down and her arms are around his neck and his are around her waist when he looks into her eyes and she's staring back into his and she doesn't look so drunk anymore. A moment where he brings his hand up to tuck a lock of hair behind her ear and her fingers are touching his cheek and their faces are so close that they're almost touching, where Nate can smell her distinct smell behind all that alcohol and he just needs to kiss her so badly but he doesn't because he remembers as his lips graze hers that he has a girlfriend and he can't do this again.

Serena sighs when he pulls away and turns her face away from him so he can't see the tears that are forming in her eyes, makes herself get control and let go of him. He tells her to stay there while he finds water and something for her to eat. When he gets back up she's laying back with her eye's closed on her bed, Nate sighs and goes into her bathroom to find any painkillers for her to take now so that her hangover won't be so bad the next morning.

"Hey S, get up," he says softly running his thumb across her cheek and making her sit up and have the painkillers and water. He knew he'd have to leave her and be back in Chuck's suite by the time the brunette boy got back and he wasn't getting any calls get so he was pretty sure Chuck wasn't 'home' yet. He doesn't know whether she'd eaten and he thinks she should have something in her stomach.

"No," she protests swatting his hands away, Nate rolls his eye's and shakes his head because it's just like old time's before she went away.

"Yes," he says encouragingly and she opens one eye lazily to peek at him, she frowns slightly before sitting up and swaying. Nate reaches out to grab her before she falls of the bed. "Ok lean back against the wall."

Serena shakes her head quickly before getting up and rushing to the bathroom, he hears her throwing up and winces at the sound. Nate slowly goes into the bathroom with her water and holds her hair while she pukes, she isn't his responsibility and he's been warned by his girlfriend and her boyfriend and even his best friend to stay away from her but that doesn't stop him from saving her when she really needs him, because she's his Serena and he can't help but do what she wants and follow where she leads and love her when he's not supposed to.

It takes a while for her to finally get everything out of her system but Nate is glad she does, at least now she wont feel as bad as she would've if she hadn't. He makes her wash her mouth and drink at least half the bottle of water before getting her under the covers. He presses a kiss to her head when he's sure she's asleep and lets his lips linger for a while before getting up.

He stands at her doorway watching her breathe for a full 10 minutes trying to decide whether to leave her alone and get back to Chuck's before his best friend figures out he's gone or stay with her and find an excuse in the morning. He finally decides to just go back to Chucks before anything happens because he knows that he would not be able to keep his hands of her if he's anywhere close to her and she'll be safe because he'll just ask the doorman to make sure no-one goes to her room.

When he finally gets to Chucks room, he sneaks in very quietly and looks around, it looks like Chuck hasn't gotten back yet so he breathes a sigh of relief and flops back onto the couch.

"Nathaniel," Chuck drawls out as he walks into the suite and Nate jumps to his feet and looks at his best friend with shocked eye's. "Why are you so jumpy?"

"I just woke up, you scared me, where did you come from?" Nate asks trying to sound as indifferent as possible even though his heart is beating so hard he thinks Chuck can hear it. "Weren't you with, what's her name?" Nate says snapping his fingers trying to remember the name of the girl he left Chuck with.

Chuck raises an eyebrow at Nate before throwing his jacket onto the table and walking to his bed. "Cindy, Sandy, Mandy, I can't remember her name has this really amazing hot tub she wanted me to check out," Chuck says with a smirk and Nate shakes his head as he sits back down on the couch.

"Hot tub," Nate echo's shaking his head at Chuck and laying back on the couch and kicking his shoes off. He presses the heels of his palms against his eyebrows. "Seriously? Is that all she had to say?"

"For your information it's actually quite entertaining," Chuck says and Nate can hear the smirk in his voice without looking him. "But she said much, much more to get my attention."

"I don't wanna know," he mumbles pulling the covers over his head, he can hear Chuck chuckling and switching of the light and he's so glad Chuck didn't comment more on Nate's behaviour.

Nate tosses and turns and there's a reason he can't sleep tonight and her name is Serena van der Woodsen which is a huge problem since his girlfriends name is Blair Waldorf and they are best friends and if what he did tonight comes out he is going to be so screwed. He loves both girls but he's in love with the wrong one, the one that's not his girlfriend, the one that didn't want him.

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><p><strong>AN hey guys I hope you enjoyed the first chapter of this long songfic lol each chapter will be based on a line from this song, right now each chapter is set out like a one shot but they are all connected and hopefully if it all comes together like the image I have in my mind this would eventually look like a reasl story lol **

**So basically what you need to know is that this is set in the first season, after the first episode I guess, Serena left because of her night with Nate not because of Pete and Georgina drags her out because she can not because she has something on her. The words are from Lips of an angel by Hinder which is an amazing song I really love it and it just fits the Nate and Serena season 1 tale so well**

**I hope you guys enjoyed this one please leave me a review and tell me if you did, after 'Misguided Ghosts' and 'Can't Plan Fun' I realised that I've been focusing alot on kids and family and as much as I love that it's more for the Charmed fics I write coz thats more family orientated then Gossip Girl**

**I started watching Glee season2 a few weeks ago(we're behind in SA) and I've fallen in love with Chord Overstreet and the Sam and Quinn relationship, I wanna do a fic on that but I'm not sure yet so any Glee readers, should I?**

**Ok so before this becomes longer then the acual chapter I'm going to cut it off here, this may be updated once in a while and not weekly like I usually try to do due to the massive amount of work I have, so please review and let me know if it's a good idea to continue**

**Until next time (^^,)**


	2. It's kinda hard to talk right now

**Disclaimer: I don't own Gossip Girl or Lips of an Angel**

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><p><em>Its kinda hard to talk right now<em>

It had been two days since Serena called Nate to pick her up from the bar, he and Blair were back to being the Upper East Sides power couple and he was glad to be out of the dog house he wasn't even sure what he did this time. He and Blair weren't what they used to be and after she found out about his and Serena's night at the Sheppard Wedding, it had been a constant battle to keep her from being angry with them and trust them, every time he and Serena were in the same room she tensed up, stopping all other activities to glare at them and watch for signs of betrayal again. It got to the point where Nate stopped acknowledging Serena's presence unless he had to, to ease Blair's worries and Nate had even been threatened by Dan to stay away from his girlfriend after he found out what they did which would have been quiet comical if Nate hadn't already promised his girlfriend he'd do just that.

Chucks dad was having a brunch and everyone was going to be there, the four of them and their dates seated at the same table and Nate was dreading it, he knew Serena was going to be there with Dan and they would act like nothing happened a few nights before when they came so close to kissing. He had to deal with Blair's fake smiles and accusing glances, even though she and Serena were best friends again there was no way she was letting her best friend anywhere near her boyfriend.

Nate took a deep breath as he pulled his jacket on, just thinking about getting through the day and maybe going to smoke afterward with Chuck or maybe his other friends would want to go kick around a soccer ball. Anne knocked on the door and smiled at her son. "I really wish you would wear a tie," she said going to set the collar of his jacket properly.

"It's a brunch mom, not a formal ball," he reminded her and she rolled her eyes.

"It never hurt anyone to dress up a little for a brunch," she said patting his chest and walking out the room. "Lets go, the car is outside and your father is getting restless."

Nate sighed, maybe he should have stayed at Chuck's last night as well, then he wouldnt have to listen to his father speak about how perfect his great-grandmothers ring would look on Blairs finger and how they'd make the perfect couple. He was saved from that talk when his fathers phone rang, his mother frowned as his dad promised whoever was on line that he'd skip out on brunch early to meet them.

When they finally arrived he found his table and sat next to his girlfriend kissing her cheek sweetly, "You're late," she repremanded with a smile plastered on her face as she waved to his parents.

"I know, sorry," he said shrugging before turning to his other side to greet Chuck.

There was only one person missing from their original group of four and she was always late. Blair had always teased her and said Serena would be late for her wedding. Chuck finished his conversation with the girls in front of him promising he'd meet them later for some fun before going to talk to Blair about the next big scheme she had been cooking up. Nate drowned out their conversations lost in his own thoughts, twirling the glass of juice in his hand so that the liquid reached the tip of the glass but didn't quite fall out.

It was only when Blair called Serena's name and got up to hug her that he looked up, Dan was the only one that noticed that and frowned at the brooding blond, Nate nodded at the couple and went back to trying to ignore everything and everyone, which was really hard because he really wanted to know how she was and if she remembered what happened that night, if she really cared.

There was chatter around the table and Blair nudged him a couple of times when she wanted him to answer a question but he wasn't in any mood to pay attention he just needed to get out of there, being that close to _her_ was making him feel claustrophobic. This would be the first time they were in the same room for such a long time without any contact, it had been like this since Blair found out and they promised to keep out of the others lives, the first time since she told him she _didn't come back for_ _him_ but it was killing him, even when he didnt have these intense feelings for her, Serena was always closer to him then Blair or Chuck were.

"At least try to act like you and I are a couple," Blair whispered at one point and he knew she was getting angry but he couldn't bring himself to care about what anyone was saying or being part of a perfect couple with Blair.

"I don't like Brooklyn either but somehow Serena convinced Blair to deal with him who convinced me not to punch him but I want to know why he looks like he's going to punch you?" Chuck said when he leaned over to speak to Nate after noticing how out of it Nate was and knowing the reason was probably Dan.

"I could undo Blair's convincing and get you to punch him," Nate mutters looking up at his smirking best friend, Blair had given him a speech the day before about being civil to Serena's new 'boy toy' as she put it, mainly he knew she was saying Nate needs to get over Serena because she is clearly over whatever they had and as long as Serena is with someone and not pining after Nate she will support it.

"You look like you need to de-stress, why don't you do it?" Chuck asks in a challenging tone.

Nate shakes his head and knows that if he doesn't get out of there now he would take Chuck up on his challenge and get into a fight with Serena's boyfriend for reasons he doesn't want to acknowledge, reasons that would probably make his girlfriend his enemy and turn his best friend away from him, because he loves her and he's not meant to and she doesn't love him back so this shouldn't be getting him so worked up.

"I've gotta get out of here," Nate told Chuck standing up and walking away from the table and out of the room not looking back to see Chuck's smirk and Blair's anger, Dan's confused face and even Serena's shock as she bit her lip and looked down at the table not at him.

"Excuse me," Blair says getting up to follow him. "What did Chuck say?" she asked in a hushed tone when she caught up to him and grabbed his arm.

"He told me my dad was leaving and I wanted to know why," Nate said knowing it was a lie but when he saw his dad on his phone outside it seemed like the perfect excuse. "Go back in Blair I'll be there now," he said and she nodded and kissed his cheek, not happy but satisfied enough with his answer.

Nate sighed and figured he'd check up on his dad anyway so he wasn't such a liar. He spoke to his dad for two minutes before sending him off and spent the rest of the time thinking about Serena, he loved Blair, he truly did, he just didn't know if he could love her the way he loves Serena. Sometimes he hates himself for being with Blair because Serena would choose anyone over him and it hurt sometimes, the fact that he'd do anything for her, but she won't let him.

'Is everything ok?' Nate sighs when he see's the text Serena sent him, just a question to show she's trying to reach out around the lines Blair and Dan drew for them but they both know there isn't a point to this. He needs to let her know he's fine without her, that he can be happy without her and they both need to let go of this fantasy that they could even still be _friends _without breaking up with their partners.

So he text's her back, 'Peachy' and takes a breath before making his way back to the building. As he enters he gets her text to say 'thank you' for the night he helped her get home. He can't help but smile to himself because she remembers that he was the one she called, he was the one she needed.

He goes back to their table and kisses Blair's temple cutting off whatever she was saying and taking her hand, she looked at him questionably, sending him a sweet smile before turning back to the group and continuing, this time he made the effort to pay attention to Blair and what she wanted him to do and say.

He looked over at Serena and their eye's connected for a split second, so short that no-one would notice but long enough for them both to wish that the other didn't have such and effect in them, long enough for him to see the hurt flash in her eyes and anger to build up in his because him being with Blair is not supposed to hurt her. It wasn't going to be enough just watching each others lives from the sidelines, Nate knew that much but he owed it to Blair to try.

The rest of brunch went well, Chuck made more then enough snide comments about Brooklyn to keep Nate occupied, Blair had this smile on her face every time Nate squeezed her hand or said something really sweet. Dan looked uncomfortable no matter how much Serena and surprisingly even Blair tried to involve him in the conversations and Serena just sat back and enjoyed a little time of normal with her oldest friends, not that anything would ever be the same but it was probably as close as she could ever get.

When he was finally at home Nate shrugged his jacket off, replied to a text Blair sent him and flopped onto his bed smiling to himself at the effort he made today to get things back to the way they were. He thinks maybe, just maybe if he throws all his attention onto making this relationship with Blair better then it ever was then he'd fall in love with her and he can be in the same room with Serena and not want to kiss her until they were both breathless.

His phone rings and he loses his train of thought, he answers the phone without acknowledging who was calling only to hear Serena's voice on the other end of the line. He mentally curses himself and tenses as he waits for her to say what she phoned him to say. Just hearing her voice made all that progress with Blair he thought he made vanish from his mind.

"So what? You're just not going to talk to me?" she asks when he doesn't say anything. "Look Nate I get it and I don't want to mess up what you have with Blair ok? But I really, really miss you."

Nate grips the phone really hard but he doesn't speak he doesn't let her know that she's cracking him, that she's making it really difficult to stay true to his girlfriend.

"Ok I get it you won't speak to me but I'm sorry about everything," she says sincerely and he closes his eyes and shakes his head even though he knows she can't see him. "Goodbye Natie."

Nate clenches his jaw when she cutes the call, he stands up and throws the phone against the wall so hard it breaks, he hates that she has this kind of control over him, hates that he needs her so badly and that she makes him so angry.

Nate gets up and walks down to the gym, he needs to take out his frustrations and he knows just the punching bag to help him. She is not helping him at all, it just seems like her mission is to make his life difficult, let him get over her just a little only to pull him back in, it's not fair and she knows it, he just doesn't have the strength to tell her to stop.

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><p><strong>AN and that was chapter two I dont really know how happy I am with it, so I need you guys to give me feedback and tell me what you think loved it or hated it?**

**Thank you so much to my reviewers I'm glad you're enjoying it**

**Until next time (^^,)**


	3. Honey why're you crying is everything ok

_Honey why you crying is everything ok?_

To say he doesnt still care for Serena would be like saying the sun doesnt rise in the east, she's still one of the very few people close to his heart and as much as he's been trying to avoid her for the sake of his relationship with Blair he could never turn her away when she needed him. Which was why he was seated on a bench in the park just outside school with her crying in his arms.

His heart breaking just a little more with each sob that escaped her, he doesnt have any idea why she was so broken, he was running home from lacrosse practice when he saw her sitting on the bench, knees under her chin as she stared out at nothing. He walked to her cautiosly and didnt even have to look at her face to know something was terribly wrong, it was only when he put his arms around her when the waterworks started and didnt stop.

Their phones beeped and then his started to ring continuously and he figured Gossip Girl must've posted a picture or something of the two of them in the middle of the park with her wrapped up in his arms, face buried in his shoulder and his lips next to her ears tyring to get her to calm down and he can't bring himself to care about how couple like they may look or what people will think or say, what Blair will do to him or what Dan thinks he can try to do. All he cares about is getting her to stop crying so she can tell him what's wrong and maybe he can help her stop being sad because if there's one thing he hates it's seeing her cry.

"Are you going to tell me whats wrong?" he asked after a few minutes when she stopped crying hard and was now just tearing up every now and then in an effort to get her emotions under control. "Can I just walk you home then?" he asked when she shook her head. He frowned when she shook her head one more time. "I was just trying to be nice S," he said a little bitterly, thinking she didnt want to be seen with him but she should know that Gossip Girl already posted them together.

"It's not that," she said pulling away from his embrace and digging in her bag for a tissue. "Thanks," she said when he handed her his handkerchief and saved her the trouble of emptying her bag just to find the tissues. "I just... I really dont want to go home," she said her voice cracking at the end of the sentence and her hands desperatly wiping at the tears forming in her eyes.

Nate gently reached out and took the handkerchief from her and wiped her eyes carefully so he wouldnt hurt her because with the way she wiped her eyes he was sure it would be raw and painful for a while. "Look I'm gonna take you home with me but I need you to tell me what's got you so upset," he said and she bit her lip and turned away from him, tears forming in her red eye's again. "S did Dan do something? Coz I can kick his ass for hurting you."

Serena laughed as she looked up at Nate, sure he'd been in a few fights protecting his friends but he'd never offer to fight with anyone, he always tried to avoid the violence if he could. "Can I just tell you when we get to your place, I really don't want to cry in the middle of the park again," she said shyly clutching his handkerchief in her hand tighter.

"Sure, lets go," he said standing up and helping her to her feet as well. They walked silently to his house not touching at all, sneaking glances when they were sure the other wasnt looking.

When they finally reached his house he opened the door for her and dropped his bag to the floor before taking off his jacket. He motioned for them to go sit on the couches in the next room because going to his room alone with her would be a little awkward. When they got to the other room it wasnt really such a huge surprise to him finding Blair and Chuck waiting for them. Chuck sat on the couch with an amused expression on his face and Blair stood facing them with her arms crossed and her face set, jaw clenched.

"Do I want to know what was happening when the two of you got wrapped up in each other at the park," Blair asked raising an eyebrow and Nate winced. "Honestly Nate when are you going to realise that you are in a relationship with _me_ not Serena so meeting her behind my back is not acceptable!"

"B," Serena tried.

"I dont want to hear from you, you have a boyfriend leave mine alone," Blair said threateningly before turning back to Nate. "If you're going to see her behind my back then at least do it out of Gossip Girls radar."

"Blair this isnt what it looks liike," Nate said finally and Blair glared at him getting ready to retort when Chuck cut in.

"Lets let the blonds explain," Chuck said smoothly watching Serena as she slid onto the couch and nodded her thanks to him.

"Fine, what's going on?" Blair asked, her face still hard as she sits next to Nate and puts her hand on his knee, letting Serena know whats hers.

"I dont know," Nate whispered when Blair turned to him after Serena looked down at her hands and seemed to be gathering her thoughts.

"Serena I know you love makign things dramatic but I'd like to know what's worng somewhere during the course of the next few hours," Chuck said and Nate glared at him.

"I found a letter from my dad," she finally said, tears making their way down her face again.

"Wow," Blair whispered, her face softening a little at the mention of Serena's father, she knew how touchy the topic was for her.

"Yeah, my mom was hiding it, I found it when I was looking for something in her cupboard," Serena said blowing out a breath and trying her hardest to control her emotions.

"What did it say? Did he tell you where he was or why he left?" Blair asked, the best friend in her reaching out to Serena. The boys sat back and watched not having the slightest clue of what to do.

"It said that he never wanted to see me again," Serena said her voice breaking as she looked up at Blair before the dam walls broke again and her tears became uncontrolable.

Blair walked over to hug Serena and spoke to her softly tryign to calm her down, Chuck and Nate sat back in their seats motionless and clueless, they didnt know what to do or how to act now that Serena told them what was wrong so they let Blair handle it and hoped that they weren't supposed to so anythign more than be there.

It took a little while before Serena calmed down enough to talk to them about wanting to find her father and writing him a letter, when she got no response she assumed he didnt recieve it so she tried harder to find him and reach out to him. That letter her mother kept from her maybe to keep her safe was what she needed to stop the obsession with finding her dad and just accepting the fact that he may have fathered her adn Erik but he doesnt want to be part of their lives, neither does he care.

"Look I know we aren't what we used to be but I'm really happy that you guys are here now," Serena said holding Blairs hands and smiling at them.

"What are you going to tell Dan?" Blair asked glancing over to Nate who's eye's were on Serena and Chuck who was also looking at Serena but not as intense as Nate's which made her frown but she held in her jelousy because of what they were discussing.

"I have no idea, how bad are the Gossip Girl updates?" Serena asked looking up to meet Nates eyes.

"They are pretty bad," Chuck said with a smirk and Blair glared at him.

Serena groaned and leaned her head back onto the couch, her head felt so heavy and her eyes were slightly swollen and sore from all the crying she'd been doing, she didnt realise how exhausting this could be. "I'll just have to tell him and hope I dont cry like I did now."

"I could come with you and judge him like you know he'll be doing to you," Blair said and Serena smiled up at her, the smile dropping when Blair sat on the couch next to Nate with her head on his shoulder.

"I think maybe I should just do this by myself," Serena said dropping her head. "I should go home and change or something, gather my thoughts before facing Dan."

"I'll drop you off," Chuck said standing. "My father is disscussing wedding plans with your mother as we speak, I need to talk to him."

"Sometimes I forget that your parents are getting married," Blair told them.

"Dont remind me," Serena muttered and Nate chuckled earning a raised eyebrow from Blair who like Chuck didnt hear what Serena said. "Bye," Serena said walking out and waiting for Chuck to follow.

"Parents aren't even married and already she's the demanding little sister," Chuck said smirking.

"See you later for the game man," Nate said watchign as Chuck walked out and waved his hand to acknowledge that he heard what Nate said.

"What game?" Blair questioned once the door closed.

"Chuck and i are having a tornament on a game of his choice, so I just have to wait till tonight to find out what that game is," Nate said stretching his arms a little.

"But Nate I had plans for us tonight," Blair complained leaning into his just a little.

"You did?" he asked wracking his brain to try to figure out when she gave him this piece of information.

"Of course I did, I thought we could curl up on my bed with a good movie and talk, you know," Blair said and Nate frowned resisting the urge to sigh.

"Didnt we do that yesterday and the day before that?" Nate asked thinking back to the past few days he spent with Blair and Blair alone, he barely had anytime for Chucks and thats why they decided to have a game night when Nate wasnt going to be preoccupied with Blair.

He felt Blair's body tense and he regretted saying that. "Do you not want to spend time with me?"

"No, no I didnt mean it like that, of course I do, I just havent spent time with the guys in a really long time," Nate said and Blair nodded.

"So spending time with your friends is better than spending time with your girlfriend? You had no problem spending time with Serena," Blair shot out at him.

"Blair this is getting ridiculous, even though things happend with us Serena is one of my best friends," Nate said. "I cannot be blamed for caring."

"Urg," Blair said grabbing her bag and leaving. "Jeez Nate all I want is to be put before Serena for once."

Nate stared at the door after she left completely confused, he was talking to her about hanging out with Chuck when all on a sudden she changed the topic to his relationship with Serena and he doesnt even know how that happend. While his mind tried to process everythign that happend with Blair he decided to give her a day to calm down thinking he'd go to her the next day and straighten out whatever was going through her mind.

Once he got over the shock of Blair walking out on him so abruptly his thoughts turned to Serena to everyhting that happend that afternoon to thoughts of the Sheppard weddign the year before, to everyhting he missed about her and he thought maybe there was something wrong with him because he kept thinking about a girl who was not his girlfriend and he hated himself for it.

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><p><strong>AN hey guys sorry for the wait wroting this chapter was a little hard to do, I am a really hyper and happy person like all the time lol so the few days were I'm kinda depressed or calmed down enough to wrote the drama and angst in this story a few and far apart so again i am so sorry for the wait it should be a loittle better next time because I have a good idea on where the next few chapters are going.**

**I'm sorry again if the ending is stupid and wrong lol I'm so tired but I had to get this out today otherwise you'd have to wait another two weeks or so, please review and tell me whether or not to change it**

**Thank you soooo so so ,uch to all the people who reviewed you guys are amazing oh and thanks for the support on the new story "Yes is the word" I'll probably write a few more one shots like that coz the fluff and friendship and fun is more my strong point hehe anyway thanks for reading please please please review!**

**Until next time (^^,)**


	4. I gotta whisper coz I cant be too loud

_I gotta whisper coz I can't be too loud_

Nate walked into Blair's room feeling like hell, he had his hand on his head trying to stop the insane pounding. Blair was going to kill him, first he was ditched whatever plans she had for the two of them and then he still went to Chucks to play games and party all night. So now here he was with flowers that Chuck shoved into his hands when he pushed him out the door and wished him luck getting ready to apologize for something he still isn't entirely sure is his fault, to make matters worse the pain in his head isn't getting any easier with every step he takes.

He pushes Blair's door open and flops onto the unmade bed, he can hear the water running in her bathroom and thinks maybe he can catch a few minutes of sleep while he waits for her to get out of the shower. He had to get her to forgive him before Lily and Bart's engagement party that night otherwise he would have to explain to his parents and grandfather why he was having problems with his girlfriend.

He just closed his eyes when he heard the water switch off, cursing silently he pushed himself up on the bed slightly to make it look as if he was sitting instead of sleeping while waiting for her. He stared blankly at the wall in front of him willing the sleep to go away and sighing when the door took too long to open. He rubbed his eyes and ran his fingers through his hair when the door finally opened revealing Serena to him, her body wrapped in just a towel, beads of water dripping down her collarbone from the wet hair hanging off her shoulders. She froze in shock when she noticed him, mouth hanging just a little and eyes bulging. He seemed to have the same reaction, his mind now wide awake and alert, his headache just a dull pain in the back of his mind. 'Shit,' he thought, Blair was going to have a fit.

Nate stared at the gorgeous blond for a few more seconds gaping until finally he got of the bed a little too fast for his hung over mind. Nate pressed his palm to his head, his other hand still clutching the flowers as mumbled an apology to Serena who just stood there watching him with a shocked expression on her face as he left the room. He made his way down the stairs and bumped into Blair who was coming out of the kitchen.

"Nate?" she asked looking at the blond haired boy, to her it looked as if he'd just walked into the foyer. "What are you doing here so early?"

"I came to apologize," Nate said, trying as hard as possible to keep the composure in his voice handing her the pink flowers. "About yesterday and tell you that I'll pick you up at 7."

"You know you could have phoned," Blair said but there was a smile on her face as she leaned down to smell the flowers that let him know that she appreciated his effort.

"I know," he said keeping his arms down and doing everything in his power not to wince every time anyone spoke. "I'll see you later then," he said leaning in and kissing her.

He pulled away and walked to the elevator only catching a glimpse of the heartbroken look on Serena's face, he didn't know whether Dan had taken everything she'd told him the wrong way or if she was still upset over the letter from her father, his question was answered when on the short path back home from Blair's place a fist belonging to Dan Humphrey collided with his face.

"Seriously," Nate said bringing a hand up to touch the reddening spot on the corner of his right eye. "Today of all days," Nate mumbled.

"Well that was meant to tell you to stay away from my girlfriend," Dan said holding his hand and wincing. "I didn't expect me to hurt when I was punching you."

"Dude, shut up, or like quieter," Nate said stopping whatever rant Dan was preparing to go into. "I don't think that was hard enough to leave much of a mark."

"Well next time it will be harder," Dan said.

"Next time you will be on the receiving end of the punch, I have a girlfriend, I'm not trying to take yours away," Nate said trying as hard as he could to sound convincing but knowing all along if the opportunity presented itself for him and Serena to be together he would take it.

"It didn't look like it in those pictures," Dan said bitterly.

"Stop believing everything Gossip Girl posts and believe your girlfriend once in a while because I assume she told you what happened," Nate told him harshly getting ready to walk away.

"She said she loved you, that she's in love with you," Dan said and Nate stopped. "I don't think she even realized she let it slip but she said it and I know she meant it," Nate was still facing away from Dan, he was shaking his head as slowly as possible, maybe he was still drunk, he thought. "I know you know it and I know you love her as well but you have Blair and Serena chose to be with me instead of fighting to be with you so I'm warning you to stay away from her and let her get over you."

"Why did you tell me that?" Nate asked turning around, his head pounding as he tried to figure it out why Dan was telling him that Serena was in _love_ with him.

"Because when those feelings finally come out I don't want you to be confused enough to act on them," Dan said clenching his jaw. "If she ever slips up with you then I'm trusting you to stop the both of you from cheating on Blair for the second time."

Nate ran his hands over his face a few times, "So you're telling me Serena van der Woodsen is in love with me just so I can avoid her when she finally comes to terms with those feelings?" Nate asked slowly wondering if Dan ever made sense to him.

"I'm not stupid Nate, I know who I'm dating and by some miracle she's with me, maybe someday soon she'll realize her feelings for you and she'll confront them, I just want you to be ready to push her away so you can stay faithful to your girlfriend," Dan said nodding in Nate's direction before walking away. "This is me trying to protect my relationship."

"So why are you in a relationship like this when you know she loves someone else?" Nate asked only realizing as an after thought that whatever answer Dan was about to give would probably make him think a lot more then he wanted to.

"Probably the same reason Blair s still with you," Dan said walking the other way.

Nate stood on the street for a good few minutes just staring at where Dan was standing thinking about everything he said and finally deciding that he's too hung-over to be dealing with this. When he finally got home he went straight to his room and locked the door, the last thing he needed was his mother or father coming in to tell him how important image was and that he and Blair need to look like the perfect couple everyone makes them out to be. Climbing as slowly as he could into bed, Nate fell into a deep dreamless sleep.

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><p>Nate woke up feeling a lot better then he had that morning, he checked his phone to see that Blair had already texted him to thank him for the flowers and Chuck missed called him a few times probably to tell him about some girl he met who rocked his world or maybe just his bed.<p>

He figured maybe that was why he had to try so hard with Blair, because of all he pressure he had to be with her, not to mention she was difficult but thankfully Chuck was available to help him. Blair slipped into the limo looking stunning and all thoughts of why he was with her vanished and it was like the beginning of their relationship again where he liked her and she liked him back.

They reached the Palace and Chuck was outside waiting for them drinking out of a flask, "Isn't it a little early for that?" Blair asked pointing to Chuck's hand.

Chuck shrugged and handed the flask to Nate earning them both glares from Blair, "She brought Humphrey, we're going to need a lot more than whiskey," Chuck said.

Nate paused mid-swallow, the whiskey burning his throat as he remembered Dan telling him that Serena loved him and she admitted it, he thought maybe it was an hallucination or dream but even he knew he couldn't dream up something that vivid.

"You ok?" Chuck asked taking the flask back and watching as Blair walked into the building to find Serena and complain about how childish they were being.

"Yeah I just thought I remembered something, let's go in," Nate said.

Nate sat bored for the next hour and a half, there were so many speeches, Blair loved everything about weddings so she was hanging onto every detail. Blair ended up dragging him onto the dance floor to dance with her. After a few dances Chuck cut in for a little scheme time with his favorite partner and Nate left to use the men's room. As he was walking back to the ballroom a hand grabbed his and pulled him into a dark room.

Nate heard the door shut and the lights came on, Nate blinked a few times so that his eyes could adjust to the change in light when he heard a voice from behind him.

"What's going on?" he asked turning around to face his kidnapper.

"Oh you know just pulling random people into dark rooms for the fun of it," she said with a nervous smile, leaning her back against the door, where he could see her hands on the doorknob.

"S, are you sure everything's ok?" he asked thinking back to the day before where she was so broken after she read her father's letter.

"Yeah I just wanted to apologize for this morning and Dan told me what happened so sorry about him as well," she said.

"It's ok, I've had worse," Nate said buffing up his chest a little bit. "You don't need to apologize S I shouldn't have walked in there like that."

"Yeah Blair would've been pissed if she knew, which I'm assuming she doesn't because we still have our heads," Serena said chuckling.

"I didn't say anything," he assured her. "So we should probably be heading back before she notices and thinks ... other things."

Serena bit her lip and nodded not moving from the door, he knew she could sense his hesitance to mention the Sheppard wedding and his nervousness around her. "Nate ... I don't want it to be weird with us," she said leaving the door and walking to him taking his hands in hers and smiling up at him.

"Yeah me neither," he said smiling back, he missed Serena and the closeness they used to have before the Sheppard Wedding. Something clicked as he was moving away from her to open the door, something that Dan said about her acting on her feelings and he thought maybe she was thinking the same thing, maybe she wanted to but Blair was still his girlfriend. _I didn't come back for you, _the memory of those words came back to him so fast it was as if they were just said.

"Nate?" Serena called from behind him, he was standing at the door gripping the knob. "You know you need to turn that to open the door right?" she asked with an amused smile on her face.

"Yeah," he said and looked at her deep in thought again and she raised an eyebrow.

"You think you can handle it?" she teased and he laughed a little.

"Sorry," he said going for the doorknob again when she called his name for the third time, this time when he turned though, he expected her to still be nervous or maybe reach out and actually open the door for him, instead this time when he turned around she reached up with both her arms to wrap them around his neck and she brought her lips to his, he automatically wrapped his arms around her waist and deepened the kiss. He was going to have to deal with the consequences at some point but this just felt so right.

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><p><strong>AN : I know and I amn terribly sorry, I've probably made it onto the worlds worst updater list hehe but hey new chapter!**

**It's been a looooooong time since i've updated and I apologise, thank you for the reviews and the support I hope you guys are still reading this hehe**

**So this would be the begining of more Nate and Serena cuteness, I tried doing angst and deep but I can't do it without the two of them just naturally being cute so I hope you enjoyed this chapter please please please leave a review, I will be finishig this story but please understand that writing and exams dont mix, I have a programming exam tomorrow and I'm using my break to post this so I hope its good enough.**

**Anyway sorry bout the wait, review, until next time (^^,)**


	5. Well, My girls in the next room

_Well my girls in the next room_

Serena broke the kiss when she realized exactly what she just did, she looked at him shocked and released her arms from his neck and was pleasantly surprised when his arms stayed tight around her waist.

"I'm sorry," she started to say and he cut her off.

"Shh, just stay there I want to savor this," he said leaning down to press his forehead against hers, his eyes still closed, he smiled slightly as her arms snaked back around his neck and her lips brushed his again

"They are going to start looking for us soon," Serena said groaning as he reluctantly let go of her waist.

"I guess I'll just see you in there then," Nate said straightening his suit and letting out a breath.

"Yeah," Serena whispered nodding once.

Nate stood there leaning against the door again not moving. "I really don't want to move," he said chuckling.

"I don't want you to move," Serena whispered.

"I'm sure they'll be ok for a few more minutes, I mean Blair is talking to Chuck about taking down that new girl who's better at French then she is or something," Nate said.

"Well Dan is walking around aimlessly but I told him I had daughterly duties to fulfill so in his mind it should be a while," she said softly smiling when he opened his arms for her to fall into. "I've missed you Natie."

"I've missed you too, so much," he said holding her tight against his body. "So what now?"

"Nothing, I guess," Serena said blinking back the tears forming in her eyes. "We have to just pretend like nothing happened here, you're with Blair, Nate and I'm with Dan, I really dont want to hurt either of them."

"Wouldn't it be worth it though?" Nate mused against her hair.

Serena tensed in his arms, if they were together she knew they could face anyone and survive. "I want to say we are," she said placing her hands on either side of his face, but they could also lose everyone they cared for and each other in the process. "But I don't want to lose Blair."

Nate sighed and tilted his head to the side to kiss her palm, "I don't want to lose _you_," he said knowing that once they leave this room the moments they would share together would be too few and very far between.

"You won't, it's been a year since the wedding and after the Gossip Girl blast with the two of us and what happened I think Blair may just be getting used to the fact that we can be in the same room without ripping each others clothes off," Serena said biting her bottom lip.

"Problem is I can't be in the same room with you without wanting to 'rip your clothes off'," Nate said raising his eyebrows.

"Me neither," Serena said reaching up to kiss him again. "We can't though... we ... we have to stop ... this."

"I know," Nate said releasing her and taking a breath, it was taking everything in him not to reach out and take her in his arms again.

"We have to work as friends Nate and if it's meant to be then we'll find a way but for now I think there's a reason why you're still with Blair and there's a reason Dan hasn't given up hope with me," she almost whispered.

"Yeah ok ... I'm going to go now," he said straightening his tie and jacket. "I'll just... I'll see you out there."

Nate opened the door slowly checking to see if the coast was clear before slipping out of the room, he knew if he stayed in that room any longer or if he touched her one last time he wouldn't be able to let her go.

Serena let the door slip shut behind him, she leaned onto it and slid down until she was on the floor. That could have been one of the hardest thing she ever had to do but she wasn't going to help him cheat on Blair again. Her best friend was too important to her. She brought her fingers up to touch her lips and sighed, she loved Nate and there was nothing she could do about it besides sit back and help him be happy with Blair, who was much better for him. His family approved of her, they never liked the wild side to Serena and Blair would never hurt him the way Serena knew she was bound to do.

Sighing she got up and made her way back to the ballroom checking her hair and make-up first making sure the other couldn't tell what she and Nate were doing. She applied a fresh coat of lip gloss and made her way to their table. Blair, Chuck and Nate were laughing about something and Erik took it upon himself to make Dan part of a conversation. Nate caught her eye and held it for a moment before Blair pulled his arm and he turned back to her, Serena took a breath and sat between Dan and Erik joining in their conversation and finally talking to the other three as well.

There was so much tension in the air between them all, Nate felt himself go to loosen his tie a few times before he realized he was at an engagement and his mother not to mention Blair would kill him if he went against the dress code.

"Nate what is wrong with your tie?" Blair asked reaching up to straighten it for him in an effort to stop him from touching it.

"Nothing, it's just a little uncomfortable," Nate said and Blair reached up to peck his lips before leaning her head on his shoulder. Nate glanced over and saw Serena turn away when Blair kissed him. "Ok so this has been awesome, I think we should leave though."

"Do we have to?" Blair asked pouting a little and Nate smiled down at her, he loved it when she was childish and relaxed, those times when she stopped trying to be perfect all the time. He wondered how much of wine Chuck let her have or if he slipped something in to make it stronger.

Serena felt her heart clench when she saw Blair kiss Nate's cheek and him smile down at her so lovingly. He'd never be with her and she just needed to accept it, sighing a little she turned to Dan who had his head down frowning at the dessert on the table.

"I think this ice-cream has coffee in it," he whispered to her when he caught her looking and she bit her lip to hold in her giggles.

"Yeah my mom went through a little bit of a coffee phase and coffee in ice-cream stuck," Serena told him, sneaking glances to the other side of the table where Blair and Nate were still arguing playfully about whether or not to leave and she swallowed hard looking to Dan whose attention was back on the coffee ice-cream.

"And now she's taken it upon herself to make everyone else love it too," Erik said finishing his sisters thoughts and twisting his mouth as well and he poked the ice-cream with his spoon.

"Hey guys sorry we're cutting this party short but we're gonna go now," Nate said standing and pulling Blair up with him.

"Yeah sure we'll see you tomorrow or something," Serena said attempting a smile which Chuck caught and chuckled at before patting Nate on the back.

"Bye S," Blair squealed, she's always been a light weight drinker so the two glasses of wine she had really had an effect on her, Chuck, Nate and Serena all cringed as she made her way over to give Serena a hug because she almost knocked over the candles all the way in the middle of the table.

"Bye B," Serena said hugging her friend and helping her back to Nate, Nate squeezed her fingers when her hand got close enough to her but she didn't dare look up at him again, she blinked slowly keeping the tears at bay and smiled, moving back to stand next to Chuck as the couple left the building.

"So how long until the two of you give up this charade and do the dirty again," Chuck said.

"God Chuck you're such a perv, my boyfriend is sitting right there," she whispered.

"Who are you trying to kid sis?" Chuck asked smirking and Serena tensed putting a blank expression on her face and turning to him. "You want him, stop fooling yourself."

"Since when did you start calling me sis," Serena asked, thinking maybe changing the subject would work but this was Chuck and she should have known better.

"You're going to lose her," he said not smirking like she expected him to but looking at her with concern in his eyes and Serena gasped as she realized why.

"And you're going to lose him," she half whispered but Chuck heard her loud and clear, he shrugged a shoulder and finished whatever was in his glass as she stared. "Does she even know?"

"You might be stupid enough to let Nate know how you feel and risk destroying Blair but I'll never do that to Nate at least not when he doesn't deserve it," Chuck told her turning back to their table. "Let's go entertain Humphrey, shall we?"

Serena shifted uneasily on her feet she wanted to know more about Chuck's feelings and maybe she could use them to her advantage but she figured that he would shut her out if she pushed too far, now that she knew he'd come to her in the future but for now she just had to wait and watch.

"Well tonight's been fun," Dan said when Serena sat down again. Chuck had left them in search of a drink and Serena assumed he'd avoid her for a little while as well.

"Wait until the wedding," Erik said rolling his eyes and getting up from the table.

"So how do you feel about all this, you know your mom getting re-married?" Dan asked her, they were alone at their table, the dance floor was still full of people dancing, she could see her mother and Bart in the center having a good time and she mentally groaned because she'd have to stay here until her mother decided she could leave.

"You know after the third time you kinda get used to it," she said laughing and he smiled.

"Serena are we ok?" he asked playing with the glass in his hand.

"Yeah, why would you ask that?" she asked thinking back to if she made a mistake or messed up in her excuses during the night. "I told you when I asked you to come tonight that I'd be in charge of most of the night and I'd be busy and …"

"No I don't mean tonight," he said cutting her of and she sighed and bit her lip waiting for the next statement and the judgment. "What I mean is that you went to Nate when you got that letter from your dad and I get that you loved him at some point but I'm your boyfriend I'm here for you to come to and cry to."

Serena was suddenly overcome with the need to slap him or scream at him but she took a deep breath and controlled her urges for the time being wondering if this boy knew what it was like to find the letter you've been waiting for only to be disappointed and not wanting anyone around you.

"It wasn't like that, Nate just happened to be there after I read it, it's not like I called him and asked him to meet me in the park so I could cry on his shoulder," she said, when it looked like he was going to reply she put her hand up. "I think maybe you should leave now, it's been a fun night but I need to find my brother or brothers and see if our parents need anything else."

She got up and kissed him on the cheek, her hands were balled up into fists against her side as she made her way through the crowd to find Chuck, she needed to be distracted and Chuck was the one person who always knew how to make that happen, she just hoped he was in a helping mood.

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><p><strong>AN hey guys I know I know another long wait until this chapter appeared, I hope its a good chapter, I really tried but it's getting harder and harder to write! I do promise you that I will finish this story and if I can't then I'll let you know but insperation is not exactly coming to me lol**

**I probably make no sense but I'm really tired so sorry about that hehe**

**Anyway please review and let me know if I'm still doing ok, hopefully it's not too long a wait till the next chapter**

**Until next time (^^,)**


	6. Sometimes I wish she was you

**Disclaimer : I don't own Gossip girl or 'Lips of an Angel'**

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><p><em>Sometimes I wish she was you<em>

It had been weeks since the engagement party and Nate hadn't seen Serena since, he heard about her break-up with Dan through Blair and surprisingly also through Chuck but he hadn't had a chance to talk to her since she was helping her mother plan her wedding.

"You'd think Serena would be more excited about this," Blair said one of the days when she was over at his house, lounging around on the couches. "Wedding's are meant to be happy occasions."

"Well if you're watching your mother walk down the aisle for the fourth time...," Nate began as he caught the ball he was throwing and Blair hit him lightly with a pillow giggling slightly. "I'm just saying maybe she doesn't want to get too excited because she knows it going to end."

"Sometimes you understand her so much better than I do," Blair said softly with a wistful look on her face. "Maybe you should talk to her, ever since she ended things with Brooklyn she's been depressed, you know how to make her laugh, I think it's a blond thing."

Nate swallowed nervously and hoped Blair didn't pick up on his reaction, he knew that if he were alone with Serena again he would never be able to keep his hands or his lips of her and he was trying so hard to be faithful to Blair so he couldn't be alone with her.

"I've got a better idea, why don't we _all_ go out for ice-cream or something?" Nate asked as Blair lay her head on his shoulder and curled her legs up beneath her.

"Or something, it's too cold, we can't get ice-cream," Blair mumbled and Nate shook his head.

"Ok then we can get hot-chocolate and sit around a table cozily and talk about utter nonsense," Nate said tossing the ball next to him and putting his arms around her and Blair nodded.

"That sounds so much ... warmer," she said wrapping his arms tighter around her.

Nate just chuckled under his breath hoping that he survives the next few hours with Serena. About an hour later all four of them were sitting in their favorite coffee shop, Blair was explaining the elaborate plan to make the new girl leave the school to Serena and Nate while Chuck watched her with a smile that only Serena took notice to.

Nate just watched them as Blair told the story sometimes joined by Chuck, he loved the way her eyes sparkled when she spoke about the plan, it was exciting to her. He smiled because she was happy but he didn't like the reason for her joy. That was one of the things he hated about Blair, the fact that she'd do anything to be on top and as admirable as that could be she would betray anyone to get there and that's what made him avoid her plans.

Serena on the other hand would be happy to just be normal, to relax out of the spotlight, to be second to her best friend, she wouldn't plan on hurting someone to get what she wanted. Blair had always felt that it was unfair that Serena had everything handed to her on a silver platter and her life was perfect while Blair was struggling to get noticed, Nate knew that there was so much of Blair's life that Serena would kill to have.

There were many times when Nate would sit back and wish Serena were sitting next to him instead of Blair, he'd wish that he could run his fingers through blond waves not brown curls and be carefree all the time, not plan everything like it had to be perfect.

It wasn't that Blair wasn't amazing because she was but she just tried so hard to be perfect all the time and Serena just was, she never needed to try. Before the Shepard wedding he and Serena's relationship was always flirty, underlying feelings but nothing ever acted on, he'd felt something for her but she always made sure he knew he had no chance of being with her until that phone-call when she needed him to get her from the bar that she broke down the walls between then and actually considered them being a couple.

He and Serena just fit, he knew her and he knew what made her happy and what made her tick, he knew how she felt about everything, she was an open book but with Blair he was constantly guessing and asking Chuck for help when he had no idea how to win her back after a fight, he didn't know why but most of the time he said the wrong things, it sounded right to him but she took offence, there were times when they clicked and at times it feels as if they were from two different worlds.

It was only when the day was over and he was laying in his bed looking at his ceiling did he realize what he wanted to do, he needed to go and see her and tell her how he felt, that he wanted to be with her no matter the consequences. They could deal with Blair because as much as she'd hate them, she could get over it, he just really wanted to be with her because of course he loves Blair but he is _in_ love with Serena.

Getting up quickly he put his shoes on and grabbed his jacked before rushing out of the house and avoiding his parents to call a cab. It took him five long minutes to finally get to their apartment block, he got up to her room as quick as he could and was let in by a sleepy Erik who told him that their mother was out with Bart and pointed to Serena's room, mumbling something about not being too loud because he wanted to sleep.

Nate took a breath before he pushed the door open and looked at her, her back was to him but he knew she was awake, the way she was breathing was a clear give away. He stood by the door for a few minutes just watching her before he finally moved toward her.

"What do you want Nate?" Serena asked, she was laying on her side with her back to him and her eyes closed yet she still knew it was him, she knew the way he walked and the way he smelt she even knew the sound of him shuffling as he shed his jacket and hung it up on the chair.

"Where've you been the whole week?" he asks sitting on her bed and sliding up to lean against the headboard.

"Georgie had plans and I tagged along," Serena replied not turning around. "I promise I didn't do anything too damaging, I remember what happened the last time and I had to call you."

"I don't think I can do this," Nate says slipping under the covers behind her and wrapping his arm around her waist.

"Do what?" she asks a little confused as she automatically sinks back and lets him mold himself around her, she placed her hand on his and tangled their legs together without thinking about it.

"Be with Blair, pretend I don't love you," he says closing his eyes and kissing her shoulder and neck, sending familiar tingles down her spine.

"Nate," Serena starts but she doesn't know what to say so she turns in his arms so she's facing his, their bodies aligned and their noses brushing. "I don't like how this is either but if you break up with her then she'll figure out it has something to do with me and I don't want to lose my best friend Nate."

"I know, I know," Nate says reaching up to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear and letting his hand stay in her hair. "But I want to be with you, I want to hold your hand in public and take you to all those boring dinners and dance with you and I want to let people know you're mine and I'm yours and I love you."

Serena can't help but kiss him, pressing herself closer to him and cupping his face to hers. "Maybe we can someday, but right now all Blair is thinking about is Cotillion and you escorting her," Serena says slipping her hand under his shirt to rest on his toned stomach. "You know how much this means to her Nate."

"So after Cotillion?" Nate asks raising his eyebrows and she smiles.

"After Cotillion but you have to give it a few weeks or even months or even until she gets another boyfriend until we can be together," Serena says seriously and winces at the anger that flashes on Nate's face. "She will hate us if we become an 'us' before she's ready," she explains quickly.

"Do you know how much I want to be with you S?" he asks sitting up and she frowns as her hand drops from his tummy. "I am only still with Blair because you asked me to be and I am only going to be with her until after that dance but you still want me to wait! You are still protecting her, shouldn't you do what you want for once?"

"Nate no, wait," Serena says quickly sitting on her knees on her bed as he stands and reaches out for his hand, pulling him back to sit on the bed in front of her and wraps her arms around his neck from behind, resting her chin on his shoulder. "I want to be with you as well but just think how fun all of this could be, all the sneaking around and stuff, I'll be your dirty little secret, you know like that song by urm… what's the name of the band? You made me listen to this song so many times."

"All American Rejects?" Nate asks with an amused smile he wanted to be mad with her he really did and he really was but then she compared them to a song and then he just wanted to laugh at how cute she was being. "Really Serena? You're going to compare the next few torturous months to a song?"

"Yes because it will make you smile every time you feel like killing me for doing this to you," Serena said softly, biting her lip.

"You will never be a regret to me S," he tells her thinking about the words of that song.

"Nate?" she whispers after a few seconds.

"Hmmm," he asks leaning his head back so he can look at her face.

"I don't want to hurt Blair but if she finds out you're all I'm going to have," she says thinking about Chuck's feelings. "So you can't change your mind, ok?"

"I won't change my mind about you," he says smiling up at her and the vulnerability on her face makes him want to protect her from everything she's afraid of. "My heart will always belong to you."

"Good, now I really don't want to talk anymore," she said seductively, laying back on the bed and pulling him down with her. Nate chuckles as he hovers above her kissing her as she expertly unbuttons his shirt, no matter what happens in the future he was going to have fun now.

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><p><strong>AN : Ok I know the updates arent going so well but exams are officially over! Yey me so I have a few months before I have to study every night, unfortunatly work takes up my days so writing has just been taking a back seat, I have so many idea's that I have started and never finished there's at least five stories that have beginings and no endings but I'll see what I can do to finish them for you!**

**I really hope people are still reading this story because it's been a while since I've been updating and I know it can be a little confusing so I apologise for the wierdness of it hehe**

**Anyway I want to thank everyone who's still reading and especially my reviewers and those who have this story on alert and favorited it, you guys really make me smile! **

**Thank you guys for your support I promise that the next time I put a story up I will plan it in advance first hehe ok so love it hate it please let me know!**

**Until next time (^^,)**


	7. I guess we never really moved on

**Disclaimer : I do not own Gossip Girl or Lips of an angel**

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><p><em>I guess we never really moved on<em>

"G'morning," Nate mumbled as he woke up and saw Serena laying next to him her arms folded on his chest and her head propped on them so she could look up at him. "It's not polite to stare," he teased.

"Well you do it all the time," She retorted and he smiled and yawned. "So what's the plan for today?"

"Well I want to stay right here and I never want to move," he said and she closed her eyes as he brushed her hair of her face smiling at the way he touched her, like she was some kind of porcelain doll that he'd do anything to keep intact.

"Hmmmm that wouldn't work because Blair's coming by a little later," Serena said reaching up to wrap her arms around his neck and pull herself closer so she could kiss him.

It had been a week since they started their 'affair' and Nate was over almost every night. Her brother didn't mind and her mother was never around, as long as his parents didn't notice he was gone he was sure that no-one would know.

"I don't want to go," Nate complained and she giggled, kissing him again.

"As much as I want you to stay here all day, you need to avoid Gossip Girls many spies waiting to destroy our lives," Serena said laying her head on his shoulder and drawing patterns on his chest with her fingers. "Nate?"

"Hmm," he said falling off to sleep as her fingers tickled his skin.

"Chuck's going to move in soon," she said. "And I don't think we can keep doing this if he does, we have to find another safe place."

"That's really going to suck," Nate said finally making a move and getting out of the bed, Serena frowned when the heat from his body left hers, she watched him move around the room, finding his clothes watching his perfectly toned body with a content smile on her face. "What?" Nate finally asked as he made his way to her when he caught her looking at him.

"Nothing, I just wonder sometimes what would have happened if you noticed me first and I gave us a chance," she said deep in thought.

Nate leaned down to give her a long and much needed kiss. "We've both made mistakes and we have probably the worst timing ever but we'll get it right this time," he whispered cupping her face and she nodded biting her lip.

"I'll see you soon," she said kissing him one last time before he left the room, she watched him go then flopped back onto the bed with a satisfied smile on her face, she loved him there was no doubt about it and sure this sneaking around was exciting but she wanted to have him without the constant worry that someone else was going to find out.

Nate stealthily made his way out the door and down the stairs, the sky was still dark as he hailed a taxi and made his way home. He sneaked in through the back door and made his way to his room, he flopped onto his bed and smiled, he got an hour of sleep before he had to get up and get ready for the rest of the day.

"Nathaniel," his mother said when he walked down to breakfast. "We need to talk."

Nate raised an eyebrow and swallowed, there was no way his parents could have caught on, if Chuck and Gossip Girl didn't know then he was certain his parents didn't. "What about?" he asked sitting slowly and staring at his parents.

He saw his mom hold his dads hand for the first time in years and immediately tensed whatever they were going to say was going to be huge. "Nathaniel, you're mother and I are having some … financial problems," his father said and Nate almost laughed out loud.

"You're serious," he said after the initial shock wore off. "I don't understand, what about Grandfather?"

"Well darling as you know your grandfather and your father don't exactly get on so we're on our own," his mother said.

"But you guys were fine, last time I checked you were still working for him," Nate said furrowing his eyebrow and looking to his father.

"I may have made some choices that angered your grandfather, in any case I am not working for him anymore," Howard said turning to his wife before looking back to his son. "I have a plan to sort this out, I'm trying to get Eleanor Waldorf to agree to do business with me."

"Ok, so what does this have to do with me?" Nate asked, his eyes darting back and forth from his mom to his dad who both had expectant looks on their faces.

"We expect you to keep Blair happy, Eleanor can't say no if we're going to be family," his mother said with a small smile. "Of course you'll propose after school but there's no harm in giving her the van der Bilt ring within the next few days."

"We are seventeen mom," Nate said standing up. "There is no way I am proposing or promising marriage to anyone."

"Nathaniel listen to your mother," his dad tried and Nate stared at him.

"Is this what I am to you?" he asked with fire in his eyes. "A way to end your debt, get you out of a financial tight spot? Sell the house in the Hamptons, we don't need it. Grandma told me that I should give that ring to the person I was going to marry, I don't think that person is Blair."

"You think it's Serena?" Anne asked standing up and Nate stopped in his tracks. "Blair will make the perfect wife, she has all the qualities. Serena is too much like her mother, she does what she wants and she has a reputation that will bring this family down, she'll never stay faithful to you."

Nate kept his back to his parents and took a few deep breathes with his eyes closed as his mother spoke and counted to ten, "I don't care," he whispered loud enough that he knew his mother could hear and walked out of his house. His parents will not rule his life, they will not tell him who he can and cannot love.

His phone rang and he groaned when he saw that it was Blair, he slumped on a bench and answered the call apologizing for ignoring her and being distant for the past few days, making up some excuse that involved his parents. Before she ended the call she told him that they would be having lunch with Serena… and her new boyfriend. Nate thought he was going to faint.

He spent the walk to Blair's trying to figure out who this new boyfriend could be and if maybe his parents were right about Serena not staying faithful to him but the last week has been absolute heaven for them, if they weren't together then they texted each other regularly. He was sure she couldn't have met someone, she couldn't do this to him, she wouldn't, would she?

'I am so sorry, please forgive me, don't freak out, I'll explain everything when I can,' was the message he got as he entered Blair's building. 'Don't freak out,' he thought to himself this was not what he needed today, he was already so freaked out.

"Hi," Blair said with a huge smile on her face when she saw him, leaning up to peck his lips. "Are you ok?"

"Yeah I'm fine just a little tired you know," he told her and she nodded as they began walking to the little café close by where they'd meet Serena.

"Ok," Blair said and he knew she wasn't entirely convinced but he was glad she didn't push it. Instead she went on to talk to him about her father and Paris and his boyfriend and the new place they bought and how she'd have her own room.

Nate was fidgety at the table while waiting for Blair who was speaking to the owner of the place, apparently he knew her mother and wanted something Blair was interested in.

He was watching the door when Serena walked in with none other than Carter Baisen on her arm, Nate's jaw dropped, he sat there staring at them probably looking like an idiot but he didn't care because Carter had his arm a little too low on her waist and he was whispering something in her ear. She nodded and he made his way to the restrooms.

Serena spotted him easily, smiling apologetically and walking toward him. "What the hell Serena," he asked wildly but as softly as he can manage, the last thing they needed was attention drawn to them. "First Blair tells me we're having lunch with you and your new _boyfriend_ then I see Carter Baisen on your arm?"

"Nate it's not what it looks like, I promise I will tell you everything as soon as I can," Serena said as quickly as she could because Blair was almost at their table. "Blair," Serena squealed hugging her best friend.

"What were you two talking about?" Blair asked noticing their stiff bodies, Serena shrugged and Nate grunted as he watched the two girls sit down in front of him, "Be happy for Serena Nate, she has a new boy toy and she won't be depressed anymore," Blair scolded quietly implying that he needs to get over her, she's moved on... again.

"Just wait till you see him," Nate mumbled taking a sip of his water and Blair narrowed her eye's before glaring at Serena, she didn't have a chance to speak before Carter made his way to the table and kissed Serena's head, both Serena and Nate visibly tensed and Blair just sat there watching him with an eyebrow raised.

"Really S, as if dating Brooklyn wasn't enough," Blair said placing her hand on Nate's on the table and Serena looked away as subtly as she could.

"Wow Blair, you wound me," Carter said placing a hand over his chest, his other arm rested on the back of Serena's chair and Blair noted Serena leaning forward so she didn't touch it. "Surely I have more class then a boy from Brooklyn."

"I'll let it pass because you grew up in the Upper East Side," she said with both her eyebrows raised at Serena who shrugged and leaned forward on the table.

Lunch was awkward to say the least, Nate barely moved, he glared at Serena a few times when he was certain no-one could catch him and answered whatever questions anyone asked him. Blair kept her hand on his and he used it as an anchor, something to keep him from attacking Carter. Serena and Carter on the other hand were relaxed, making jokes, laughing and telling stories of their time together.

Nate excused himself when his phone rang, groaning when he saw his mother's number flash across the screen but glad for the distraction. His body went numb when his mother told him that his dad was in hospital, Serena saw the change in his body language and wanted to go to him but he was still Blair's, Blair who had no idea that her boyfriend was freaking out.

"I have to go," Nate said roughly as he walked back to the table, he grabbed his jacket, threw some money on the table to cover the meal and walked out, Blair apologized and followed him as quick as possible, Carter and Serena just sat there staring at the retreating figures.

"What was that all about?" Carter asked and Serena shrugged blinking a few times trying to figure out what just happened.

Nate spent the drive to the hospital thinking about Serena and Carter, he felt like such an idiot his mother was right as much as he would love to believe Serena wouldn't do anything she hadn't even told him she loved him yet, he said it so many times but she'd never actually said the words, how could he be so stupid as to believe that she had feelings for him?

He was so lost in thought that he didn't realize they'd reached the hospital until Blair tugged on his arm, he looked up and smiled at her, a thank you for being there with him. His mother was right she would make the perfect wife, he already loved her and maybe in time he could fall in love with her.

When they got to the waiting room his mother explained that his father just accidently had alcohol after taking his medication and Nate wanted to grab her and shake some sense into her because once again she's denying the truth, she's denying that he was a selfish man who thought that killing himself was the way out of this debt. He didn't care less about his wife and son as long as he could avoid it even if it was by dying.

After three hours at the hospital Nate finally dropped Blair at home fully intending on going straight to bed when he got home when he realized what he was doing to her was unfair. "Blair," he called stepping out of the elevator. She turned and looked at him. "I think we should break up."

"You what?" she asked, the solemn look on her face replaced by confusion and anger.

"I think it would be better," he continued knowing she heard him the first time. "After everything that happened today I think it's unfair to put you in this position. You know as well as I do that the last few weeks have been tiring for both of us, maybe we can get back together in the future and I understand if you find someone else."

He watched her face closely, the emotions that passed through her eyes were unreadable, she just stood there with her mouth parted slightly. "Get out," she finally said quietly and Nate looked up at her making a move toward her when she screamed "Get out," again with tears in her eyes and Nate cringed and nodded walking into the elevator hating himself for making her cry but knowing that she could do so much better than a boy who could only give her half his heart.

Nate flopped onto his bed when he got home he put his hands under his head and stared up at the ceiling until he fell asleep, thoughts of Serena and Carter haunting his dreams. Next to him his phone was vibrating with Serena's name flashing on the screen but he was too deeply asleep to notice.

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><p><strong>AN : You guys are awesome, I got reviews really quick and it just made me want to write more, without the constant studying it was easier to find the time to write this story and I have already begun the next chapter so yey!**

**I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, I've thrown in a little drama we can't have a super fluffy fic, I know the chapters and the song don't fit as well as I would like but I do my best to try fitting the lines of the song and the direction I'm taking this story somehow**

**Thank you so much for the review please don't forget to review this chapter after you read, it would really make my day!**

**Until next time (^^,)**


	8. Its funny that you're calling me tonight

**Disclaimer : I do not own Gossip Girl or Lips of an angel**

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><p><em>It's funny that you're calling me tonight<em>

Nate's eyes snapped open and he blinked rapidly trying to get his bearings. He was at home in his room his mother had stayed at the hospital with his father probably finding more ways to spin a lie and he broke up with his girlfriend.

He ended things with Blair because he couldn't stand to lie to her any longer, he was having a secret relationship with her best friend who he was desperately in love with.

The same best friend who was calling him at this very moment, Nate sighed and grabbed his phone from the table next to him. "What do you want?" he asked rudely, he was furious with her because she was supposed to be with him not seeing Carter and smiling with Carter and holding hands with Carter and he couldn't take it.

"Urm how are you?" she asked with a slight nervous chuckle.

"Really? After everything that's happened today you're going to ask me how I am?" he asked knowing that she already knew about his dad and the breakup.

"Nate, I heard you broke up with Blair," she whispered ignoring the tone of his voice.

"It didn't do it for you," he said and heard her gasp on the other end of the line.

"Ok I guess I deserved that," she said quietly and he wanted to scream, she wasn't supposed to be making him feel bad.

"Serena it's almost midnight what do you want?" he asked sighing, he wanted her to tell him that everything with Carter was a joke and that she wasn't really with him, he wanted her to be next to him because it had been such a long time since he's slept without her at his side.

"I just … I … Nate we need to talk soon," she said and he could hear the sadness in her voice, the tears he knew would be threatening to come out of her eyes. "I will explain everything that happened today, just _please_ come talk to me."

"Ok," he said, as much as he wanted to be mad at her he loved her too much to turn her down. "Ok I'll come over in the morning."

"Thank you," she said and he could hear the relief in her voice. "Sweet dreams Natie."

"Sweet dreams," he mumbled and shut the phone off tossing it to the other side of his bed and getting under the covers pulling it up over his head.

When he woke up and showered thinking about how crushing the day before had been for him and he just wished something would happen to make him believe that the world isn't out to get him.

The one thing he couldn't get out of his mind was Serena and Carters smiling faces, the way his arm rested on her chair, the way she smiled at him, her laugh and her eyes when she looked at him, that was how she was meant to look at him not Carter, Nate didn't even realize he was gripping the tap until he looked down at his hand and let go, shutting the water off quickly.

He spent a lot of time procrastinating until he finally decided to do something with his time and went to find Chuck, he told Serena he'd meet her in the morning he didn't say he'd meet her early.

"Did you know that Serena is shaking up with Baisen again?" Chuck asked the moment he saw Nate and Nate groaned, he decided to go to Chuck because he thought he could get his mind of Serena not be reminded of her. "I saw him come out of her building with this annoyingly huge smile on his face when I was on my way to the Waldorf pent house."

"Yeah I know Gossip Girl poster a picture, what were you doing at Blair's?" Nate asked diverting the conversation.

"Well she called me trying to figure out why you broke up with her, she sounded pretty upset," Chuck said, his eyes searching Nate for answers. "Nathaniel?"

"I just thought it would be better to end things now before things became too serious and we started hating each other, I love her, I do but I'm not in love with her," Nate said and Chuck nodded slowly.

"Not like you're in love with Serena?" Chuck asked and Nate turned to him looking a little shocked. "Yes it is that obvious, but I guess Blair has chosen to ignore it again."

"Yeah well Serena is 'shacking' up with Carter so no point in going there again," Nate told him pursing his lips.

"You never know, my sister has always had a thing for you," Chuck said with a shrug.

"Well she has a funny way of showing it," Nate replied, he thought of asking Chuck to have a smoke with him but thought better of it, if he was going to talk to Serena he would have to have a clear mind.

They spoke for a while afterward avoiding all topics surrounding the girls until Chuck finally brought Blair up as Nate was leaving. "I know the two of you broke up already and she's as free as she'll ever be but I'd rather not be on the receiving end of one of your punches, Blair's managed to get me to escort her to Cotillion."

"Urm, yeah sure, ok, I don't mind really," Nate said fumbling to figure out what it could mean, by the look on Chuck's face it seemed like more than his best friend was letting on but he let it go because he had bigger things to think about. "I'll talk to you later," he said jogging in the direction of Serena's building.

His mind flooded once again with thoughts of her and Carter and he hated that he could picture her playing him just for the fun of it, there had to be something more to that story there just had to be, right? He kept thinking to himself. His mind kept going through a million scenarios of how she ended up in Carters arms, of what he could've done to prevent it, he wondered what he did that was so wrong.

When he finally got to Serena's room, he pushed the door open slowly and peeked inside, she was sitting on the bed cross-legged in one of his old Lacrosse jerseys that she and Blair used to always steal. Her fingers lazily braiding and then brushing through random pieces of her hair, she was just staring at what her fingers were doing, her eye's not really focused on them or anything really until she looked up and saw him. Her hands dropped from her hair almost immediately and she carefully slid of the bed to stand in front of him, her tiny shorts peeking out from under the jersey.

"Hi, you came," she said biting her lip and smiling nervously at him, she didn't really know why he was here, she was hoping he came to tell her that everything's ok and he wanted to be with her forever but there was a possibility that he came to tell her to stay out of his life.

"Hey," he said watching her, she nervously stood in the middle of the room biting her lip and shuffling her feet until he moved closer to her and went to sit on the bed. "You said you wanted to talk."

"Yeah Nate I wanted to talk to you about yesterday, everything that happened was really not meant to happen the way it did and.." she began and Nate raised an eyebrow at him.

"Serena, you're rambling," Nate said, the corners of his mouth tugging upward ever so slightly in a smile but he kept it bay because he wasn't sure what she was about to tell him.

Serena took a deep breath obviously nervous about what she was about to say, "Sorry," she said softly and Nate nodded he let his eye's drift to the table and looked back up at her with wide eye's. "Blair called and she wanted to know who the man in my life was and..."

"And its Carter, well I hope the two of you will be very happy," he said standing and looking at the table again. "Or should I say three."

"Nate, wait what?" Serena asked looking down and seeing the pregnancy test lying on her table, she forgot to conceal it. "No, no, no it's not what you think," she screamed grabbing on onto his arm and stopping him from leaving. "Nate if I am pregnant then the baby is yours, you're the only one I've been with in months."

"So..." Nate said trying to figure out what she was saying and staring at the box on her table.

"So if you would just listen to me instead of assuming things then I can tell you what happened," she said taking a deep breath and pulling him back to the bed to sit down. "I only called Carter because Blair figured it out and I couldn't find anyone beside him on such short notice, she wouldn't have believed it if I brought Chuck," Serena said and Nate smiled.

Nate nodded and she took that as her cue to continue.

"I called Carter and he said he would pretend to be madly in love with me, he just needed to spend the night here because his flight was today, he was out of cash for a hotel and he wasn't going to ask his parents," Serena explained and Nate nodded he could understand why Carter wouldn't want to go to his parents. "So that's why he spent the night and I was going to tell you everything but you didn't take my calls and I thought it would be better if I told you this in person."

"But you guys looked so real," Nate said standing and running his hands through his hair.

"I had to fool Blair, Nate," she said standing and taking his hand into both of hers. "I had to keep us a secret but I never meant for it to hurt you."

"I was so furious with you, I thought you were using me until Carter came back or something," Nate said cupping her face with his free hand and she tilted her head to the side so she could kiss it.

"I know I may not be the best at being in relationships, but don't doubt that I love Nate because I do," Serena said staring into his eyes. "I _love_ you so much."

"I love you too," he whispered. They stood there for a moment just staring into each other eyes and leaning down when the timer in her bathroom went off.

"Oh my God I forgot about the test," she said with wide eyes.

"It's ok, I'm here with you," he told her and she smiled taking his face in her hands and kissing him softly before walking into the bathroom to find the pregnancy test stick.

"Oh God, you read it," she said covering her eyes and sitting on the edge of the bath tub, her hands and legs shaking uncontrollably.

"Ok," he said nervous as well as he picked up the tiny thing, wondering how it could ever tell whether she was pregnant or not. "Urm... what does it mean if it's pink," Nate asked and Serena burst into tear, he panicked so he dropped the stick in his hand and kneeled down in front of Serena and pulling her hands away from her face.

She tried to smile at him but she failed and ended up crying harder, "What are we going to do? I mean it's obvious that we have some trust issues to work through, a baby will just complicate everything, what will my mother do? Blair will kill us."

"Let's just breath ok, these things are always wrong movies and stuff maybe we should just go to a doctor and confirm, I know this guy that my grandfather uses, he won't say anything to anyone and I can get away with it if he speaks to my grandfather," Nate said and Serena nodded letting him take her out of the bathroom, she changed quickly her hands placed flat on her tummy as they sat in the car wondering how it would grow, her mind going through a million things that could go wrong, and those few that may be perfectly right, she thought as she looked up at Nate.

Nate held onto Serena's hands as tightly as possible, they'd drawn blood and were running tests on it as they sat in the room and waited. Serena looked as if she were going to have a panic attack she really didn't want to be a mom at seventeen and she knew that Nate didn't want to be a dad right now either but she threw up two mornings in a row and she was late, she was never late. She prayed that it was just the bad fish and not a baby.

"It'll be ok," Nate finally said moving forward to sit next to her and wrap her up in his arms, kissing her temple and stroking her cheek as she looked up at him. "If you are pregnant then we'll figure this out ok, we'll be awesome parents."

Serena smiled and leaned up to kiss him, "Promise?"

"I promise you," Nate said, kissing her again and letting her bury her face into his chest when the doctor walked in.

"Mr. Archibald, Miss van der Woodsen, I have the results of your test," he said holding his file up, Nate and Serena shared a look and sat up straighter, he took her hand in his and they both turned to the doctor to await their fate.

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><p><strong>An I've changed the times around a lot so nothing fits in the shows timeline whoops heheanyway I am really spoiling you guys right now I know the story doesnt exactly fit with the song and for that I apologise but just bear with me a little please**

**Thank you guys so much for the quick and awesome reviews, I had so much fun writing this, it wasnt what I expected but once I started writing whatever I had planned kinda flew out the window lol**

**Don't forget to review!**

**Until next time (^^,)**


	9. Yes I dreamt of you too

**_Disclaimer : i do not own Gossip Girl or Lips of an Angel_**

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><p><em>Yes I dreamt of you too<em>

"I have your results. Congratulations," the doctor said with a wary smile as he looked at the two scared teenagers. "You're going to have a baby."

Serena's face paled and Nate squeezed her hand tighter, both sat numbly as the nurse came in with the equipment needed for the ultrasound, the doctor explained all the options should they decide they didn't want the baby or if they decided to keep it. Serena barely flinched as the cold gel hit her tummy and neither could tear their eyes away from the black and white screen, they couldn't make any sense of it but the doctor was pointing out things like where their baby was and telling them about the heartbeat and what they can expect from its growth.

They were scheduled for another appointment in about 2 weeks so the doctor could check up on then and discuss what they were going to do with the baby. There were options, so many options that the doctor spoke about and finally a promise that even though they were under the age of 18, no-body, not even their parents will know about it until they decided it was time.

Serena closed her eyes really tightly a few times and shook her head imagining she was in a dream or nightmare and this wasn't real, that the doctor made a mistake, that she was hallucinating, that she dreamt coming back home. But every time she opened her eyes she was in the same room where the walls had charts for medical conditions but her eye would only catch the one that described pregnancy, the doctor would be talking to them, using many different terms that she didn't even want to begin to understand, Nate would be squeezing her hand just a little too tight and she'd know how real it all was and finally her tummy had a gel on it that they used to find the _baby _growing in _her_ tummy and her heart would beat faster and she'd have to remind herself that she couldn't freak out just yet it could all just be a dream.

Nate took Serena back to her empty apartment, Chuck and Bart were only due to move in, in a few days time, Lily was with Bart and Erik was over at a friend's house working on a project, he'd been checking Gossip Girl regularly and luckily for them so far they managed to stay out of her radar.

"S, you've got to talk to me," Nate said finally breaking the silence, they were in her room. She was sitting at the head of the bed with a pillow clutched tightly to her chest. "We're having a baby."

"I know. I heard what the doctor said," she snapped then immediately regretted it. She refused to meet his eyes, she could feel them on her but she wasn't ready to see the hurt she caused by snapping at him. "There's nothing to talk about, you've got me pregnant and now I'm going to get fat and stared at and everyone is going to shun me, Nate, not you, me because I'm _carrying_ a baby that neither of us want at 17."

"You are making it seem as if I did this on purpose, it wasn't like I forced you Serena, it takes two people to make a baby," Nate said back the soft tone he was using turned to irritation at the accusation in her voice. "So what are you saying now? Do you want to get an abortion?"

"No," Serena screamed burying her head in her hands. "Yes, maybe, I don't know Nate, I'm not ready for this I can't make these decisions right now."

"Then when are you going to be ready Serena, you're already three weeks into this pregnancy," Nate said as calmly as he could.

"Like you've decided," Serena shot back, clutching the pillow to her tummy again.

"Yes I have actually," Nate said and Serena looked up shocked at him. She really didn't expect him to have thought about this at all. "I want you to have this baby because it's me and it's you and even if we decide to give it up for adoption that would be better than killing it."

"It's a fetus," Serena stated and Nate frowned at the word. "Right now it's only a fetus," she said convincing herself that what she was considering wasn't murder.

"I don't care what the doctors call it, it's our baby," Nate told her let out a short breath. "I have no delusions about keeping this baby, it's going to be hard trying to get through to our parents and grandparents but S, I would really like to try."

Serena opened her mouth to say something but instead she sat up and bolted for the bathroom barely making it to the toilet bowl. Nate followed her and held her hair and rubbed her back gently as she emptied the contents of her sensitive stomach. "I hate that," she mumbled as she got up and rinsed her mouth. Nate followed her back into the room and watched as she crawled back up into the bed and held the pillow to her.

"I'll come back tomorrow," he said softly and Serena's eyes finally met his and he saw the confusion and pain in them and flinched.

"No wait," she said desperately. "Just, just stay with me tonight ok?"

"Ok," Nate said nodding numbly, dropping his coat onto the couch she had in her room. "I'll just urm, I'll sleep here," he hated the awkwardness between him and Serena, the only time it was ever like that was when she came back and they were jumpy around Blair.

"No," she said shaking her head slowly and he nodded understanding that even though they blamed each other for something that was both their faults, she was just as terrified as he was and she needed him maybe more than he needed her.

Nate stripped down to his boxers and waited for her to change before pulling back the covers for them to slip under. They slept with her back pressed against his front, she held onto his hand tightly as it rested on her flat tummy. It took him a few seconds to realize she was crying but he didn't do anything, he didn't know what to do, so he just kissed her neck as gently as he could and kept her as close to him as possible hoping she could find any kind of comfort, all he knew was that he loved her too much to see her like this and he'd go with whatever she decided to do no matter how much it would hurt him.

Nate woke up early the next morning, dreams of a blond baby plaguing his dreams haunting him because he knew what Serena was thinking of doing, at most he would see the child as a newborn before they give it away if its born at all. Sighing he carefully removed his hand from hers and got up out of bed. He brushed his teeth and washed his face and pulled his clothes on before going to the café to get breakfast, he didn't know what she would want to eat but he figured he'd get a little bit of everything, he needed to think and they needed to talk.

By the time he got back to the apartment she was up slowly making her way out of the bathroom with her hand placed flat against her stomach grimacing.

"Not better?" he asked and she shook her head no before looking down at the bags of food he had in his hands and smiled slightly looking back up at him. "I didn't know what you'd want so I just got … Well a bit of everything," he said and she bit her lip, following him to the kitchen.

"Thanks," she said moving with him to the table where he dumped all the bags and started to unpack them. Once he was done he motioned for her to come to the table and start eating, slowly she moved toward the table but instead of sitting down to eat she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him into a tight hug. "I'm so, so sorry," she whispered, fighting to keep the tears of her emotional self at bay.

"Don't be, we were both just scared of everything that's been happening," Nate said pulling away and pushing her hair of her face. "You're glowing," he said with a smile and she scoffed.

"I look like a mess," she complained but he shook his head leaning down to kiss her.

"You look amazing," he said and she giggled against his lips.

They ate their breakfast quickly and lazed around the house until he had to leave to go home, his father was getting out of the hospital and Lily was bringing some of Bart and Chuck's things over that afternoon.

"So what are you going to tell your mom," Nate asked playing with her fingers as they lay in bed.

"Can we wait? To tell them, please," she asked turning her face slightly so her forehead was pressing against his chest. "Your mom is going to hate me."

"And your mom is going to hate me," Nate replied kissing the top of her head. "We're just going to have to grin and bear it."

"Nate I don't want to fight with you but I don't want this baby if it's going to cause problems because I know you will stick up for me with your mom and I don't want you to fight with her because of me," Serena said sitting up.

Nate frowned at the lack of contact but sat up next to her anyway and cupped her face, "I don't mind walking away from them if I've got you," he said and she bit her lip, she hated the thought of Nate already accepting the fact that he has to walk away from his parents and family just because they were going to have a baby.

"No, I think I'm going to get rid of this before it starts to cause problems," she says getting of the bed, she's jittery and her hands are shaking and she's close to tears and she can't handle being pregnant at 17.

"Serena," Nate says jumping of the bed quickly and grabbing her hands. "Look I have to go now ok but please just think about it," he begs kissing her quickly and bending down to kiss her stomach, he squeezes her hand one last time before leaving and she sits on the bed and cries because he would love this baby so much, much more than she would.

She dreamt of a blond haired baby boy the night before as well, he was Nate's pride and joy but her visions of a perfect father and son moment was ruined by her own misery. Even in her dreams she resented the baby for aging her too quickly and leaving her damaged, she hated the life she lived where people treated her like she was cheap because she got pregnant in high school. She shook the thoughts from her head quickly and rubbed at her tummy absent mindedly, she had so many decisions to make.

One thing was certain though, she decided as she heard her mother come into the house, she couldn't get rid of this baby, she'd have it and they would find a way to make it work, even if they had to run away from this life they would do it because she knew how much Nate hated the thought of getting rid of their baby. He came first now because she loved him, it wasn't just her choice.

She could find a way to work through her misery because she'd have her Natie and they'd have a baby and they could work it out and it would all be perfect because they wanted it to be, right? He'd risk everything just to be with her, she had to do the same for him because she did love him and she needed him to be happy.

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><p><strong>AN so this story is reaching its end, theres a few chapters left for me to write. I originally did not want Serena to be pregnant but the reviews kinda swayed my decision hehe it's not going to be all happy and i want to involve the parents as little as possible so just keep reading to see where it goes**

**I know it kinda looks as if I'm making Serena lose her mind to be obsessed with Nate's happiness but I wont make her crazy I promise lol**

**Sorry for the wait please review and let me know how I did, next xhapter should be up soon hopefully before next year hehe**

**Until next time(^^,) oh and Merry Christmas, I am not going to have internet until after xmas so I thought I'd wish you guys now since i wont be able to if I wanted to post earlier, sorry bout the ramblings! Stay safe and dont forget to review hehe**


	10. Does he know you're talking to me

_Does he know you're talking to me, will it start a fight_

The day Serena was dreading had finally come, Monday. The day she had to go back to school and face reality, she wouldn't have Nate by her side to protect her and hold her hand, she wouldn't be able to talk to Blair about what she was going through, she couldn't even skip with Chuck because he'd be suspicious if she didn't want to smoke or drink with him, the thought of calling Georgina had crossed her mind, but the crazy girl would know something was up by just looking at her.

"Serena," Blair called as soon as she stepped into the gates of their school, she unconsciously wrapped her jersey tighter around her waist, hiding her tummy. "You haven't returned any of my calls."

"I know B and I'm sorry," Serena said as Blair hooked her arm through Serena's. "I've been busy, I had to move rooms in preparation for Chuck and Bart's arrival," Serena said, it wasn't a complete lie, she had a whole lot of things in what would now be Chuck's room but the maids had taken care of that for her.

"Oh well I found out something this weekend," Blair said letting go of her arm and stopping them from walking any further. Serena tensed up, partly because she caught Nate sitting on a bench close by watching her to see if she was alright and partly because she was terrified about what Blair was going to say.

"What did you find out?" Serena asked biting down on her lip so hard she drew blood. Blair's minions were watching them, waiting for something good to send to Gossip Girl.

"I think I may feel something for Chuck," Blair said and Serena raised her eyebrows at her best friend, she was relieved it wasn't about herself and Nate but what Blair said was completely unexpected. "Don't look at me like that you dated Humphrey."

"No I didn't mean it like that, but didn't you and Nate just break up on Friday?" Serena asked, her eyes automatically finding the blond boy in question sitting with a few of the lacrosse guys but looking at her.

"Well yes we did but that relationship was so broken after you left that it really didn't get back to what it had been no matter how hard we tried," Blair said and Serena bit her lip again to hide her smile.

"So Chuck?" Serena said smiling suggestively at Blair and Blair nodded.

"I got him to take me to Cotillion this weekend and we started talking about something other than a take down and there's more to him then the ass we're used to," Blair said and Serena nodded slowly, she knew Chuck would be overjoyed with this revelation because he was head over heels in love with Blair.

"Oh my God I completely forgot about Cotillion," Serena said slapping her forehead lightly, with everything going on she didn't realize that she still had to get through Cotillion.

"I hope Carter is ready for it," Blair said and Serena snapped her head up to look at her. "I mean his dancing skills will probably be a little rusty but I'm sure he still remembers the moves."

"Carter?" Serena asked knitting her eyebrows together, she could not figure out how Carter fit into their Cotillion.

"Yes silly, it will be Chuck and I and you and Carter," Blair said already planning the night in her head and Serena gasped, she forgot that she used Carter to keep Blair from finding out about her relationship about Nate. "Serena what's wrong?"

"Carter and I broke up," she said and Blair gave her an apologetic look.

"But you guys looked so happy," Blair said before speaking about what a horrible weekend it had been for both of them. Blair was speaking to Serena about Cotillion when the blond cut her off half way through her sentence.

"Would you mind if I asked Nate to escort me?" Serena bit her lip as she waited for the answer, sure Blair had already started to feel things for Chuck but until she was over the break-up completely no-one was to have Nate and Serena knew that but she couldn't play Blair's game this time, she needed to have Nate with her when she faced all those people, even though they didn't know what was happening with her she still felt as if they did.

"Urm yeah sure," Blair said looking confused at the blond, Serena let out a relieved breath, she would have went with Nate no matter what Blair said but it felt good to have her blessing, no matter how fake it may be.

Blair looked like she wanted to push the subject further but the bell rang and her minions were in front of them so fast that she could barely get another word in without having them hear what she was saying.

Since Chuck was moving in that day Serena and Nate decided to meet in at his house, now that his dad was out of hospital his parents decided to take a spa break and Nate didn't even bother to check were they went this time.

"Cotillion," was all Serena said when she walked into Nate's room, he raised an eyebrow at her and continued to dig in his cupboard. "It's this weekend Nate!"

"Oh," Nate said nodding and throwing a sweater on. "I'm pretty sure I can go as one of the other girls escorts if you want me to," Nate offered and Serena smiled at the offer.

"Actually I spoke to Blair and you are going to be my date," Serena said walking up to him and wrapping her arms around his neck. "I don't want any other girl to have you, even as an escort."

"Good, now I have an excuse to hold you in public without feeling like someone's going to call us out," Nate said and Serena nodded leaning in slightly to kiss him. "How are you feeling?" he asked, one of his hands slipping under her top to rub gently at her tummy.

"It's better," she whispered, the smile slipping off her face slowly. "Haven't thrown up once today."

"That's good," Nate said his eyes searching hers. "Have you made up your mind?"

"Yeah, we're going to keep it and we can figure out what we want to do when it gets closer to the day," Serena said with a tiny smile and Nate hugged her tightly and spun her around. "I could probably ask my grandma to keep me with her for a few months when I start showing."

"I love you," he says kissing her again. They spent the rest of the afternoon talking about cotillion, neither one of them brave enough to bring up the baby again, even though throughout the entire afternoon Nate's fingers were dancing on Serena's tummy.

Surprisingly by the time Serena got home her mother, Bart and Chuck weren't there yet so she checked up on her brother before locking herself in her room. Her mother knocked on the door about an hour later asking her to join them for dinner which she ignored, she had eaten with Nate earlier and who knew pregnancy could be tiring in the first trimester.

She went through the rest of the school week on edge, every time someone glanced at her she thought they knew something, she was paranoid. By the end of the week she felt as if everyone was crowding her, she was so conscious about someone noticing her stomach that her arms were wrapped around it the whole day. She could barely concentrate on anything other than her current state as much as she was keeping the baby for Nate, she sometimes wished she had been selfish as she's used to being and had an abortion or maybe even asked her grandmother to hide her away until she had the baby and gave it up for adoption, the latter still being an option at the moment.

She was barely half way through the day when she found herself on the roof away from everyone, she just needed a breather. A few deep breaths later and she was calm enough to start talking to her tummy.

"Who knew you'd be the one I talk to when I get stressed," she whispered rubbing her tummy gently, a tiny smile appearing on her face.

"Talking to yourself?" a voice behind her said and she turned quickly ready to jump if she had to, only to find Dan standing in front of her with an amused smile on his face. "Sorry I didn't mean to scare you I just … I got a free period and I saw you up here."

"It's ok," she said softly willing her heart to stop beating so fast. "How've you been?"

"I'm fine you seem to be a lot more jumpy though," Dan noted and Serena shook her head quickly.

"I haven't had enough sleep lately," she said lamely and Dan raised an eyebrow. "Come sit with me, tell me how the books coming along," Serena said sitting on the bench and patting the seat next to hers, when they were together Dan had started to write a novel.

"Are you sure Nate won't mind?" Dan asked and Serena almost fainted, how did he know? "I just meant that now that he and Blair are over and you're single that the two of you would get together, unless that thing with Carter was true."

"No Carter is gone urm and Nate and I are just friends," she said hoping she sounded convincing enough.

Dan looked less then convinced with her statement as he sat down next to her. "I really hope I don't cause any problems but what do you want to know?"

"Nate and I aren't in a relationship for us talking to cause problems," Serena said with a smile and hoped that it wasn't going to cause any problems later. She pulled her legs up onto the bench so she and turned to face him. "Tell me, how's the writing going?" she said lightly slapping his arm.

The two of them spoke until Dan had to go to his next class, Serena didn't have to wait long before Nate was next to her, his expression unreadable.

"Nothing happened," Serena said leaning forward and reaching out to take his hand.

"Really S," Nate asked turning to her. "You were up here alone, with your ex-boyfriend, looking pretty cozy."

"Nate," Serena said blowing out a breath, she will not get upset with him, it wasn't good for the baby. "I know it would have looked suspicious to you but there's nothing there, he just came to check up on me all alone up here."

Nate nodded slowly and turned to look away from her. "I'm going to go before someone see's us."

Serena held back her tears as he stood up and made his way downstairs, this was not supposed to happen to them, they weren't supposed to get angry at each other for every little thing, not them.

"It's going to be ok," she said reassuringly glancing down and rubbing gently at her tummy like she did earlier.

Finally Serena got up and made her way to the mass of students leaving the school grounds. Blair found her as she was leaving and made it her mission to figure out why Serena was cutting class again.

"It's Georgina isn't it," she said and Serena shook her head, giggling slightly.

"B, today was just one of those days," Serena said knowing that Blair understood the feeling of just needing to walk away from everyone when you couldn't handle it, the only difference was Blair usually stayed in class and Serena skipped.

"Sure. Cotillion's tomorrow and since you're going with Nate," Blair said a little more harshly than was probably intended. "You may want to go get him a tie, the boy is hopeless at matching clothes."

"Thanks B," Serena said with a smile, Blair didn't need to know that Nate was so excited about going with her that they had already matched their outfits. "I'll sort it out this afternoon."

Blair nodded and said bye to Serena before slipping into her limo. Serena sighed and looked at her own limo waiting for her with Chuck and Erik and inwardly groaned. It was a beautiful day to walk so she decided that's what she'd do, the boys would figure out soon enough that she wasn't going with them.

She had to find Nate first, he was her main priority, he was so protective of what they had that sometimes he took it too far and got upset over things that he shouldn't have to.

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><p><strong>Disclaimer : I do not own Gossip Girl or Lips of an Angel<strong>

**A/N : Happy new year everyone, sorry about the wait hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, please review!**

**Im really tired so no long note today**

**Until next time (^^,)**


	11. No, I dont think she has a clue

**Disclaimer : I do not own Gossip Girl or Lips of an Angel**

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><p><em>No I don't think she has a clue<em>

"Nothing happened," Serena said crawling onto his bed next to him when she got into his room, laying her head on his chest and slipping her hand under her shirt to lay on his abs.

"That's supposed to be my job," Nate said, referring to her hand on his tummy and slipped his arm around her shoulders to bring her closer and kiss her on her head. "I'm sorry, I over-reacted. I just saw you two together and I thought the worst and I'm really, really sorry."

"I know," Serena said cupping his cheek and pulling him on for a proper kiss. "Do you think people will figure out something is going on with us when they see us."

"I think Gossip Girl will have a field day," Nate grumbled and Serena sighed.

"I think Blair is onto us, I'm pretty sure Chuck knows everything but is just passing it off," Serena said holding Nate tighter. "I'm scared something is going to happen to you, to us, I'm afraid."

"You have nothing to be afraid of," Nate said and Serena smiled against his chest, he was too optimistic sometimes. "I don't think Blair knows anything, I haven't been around you since the breakup as far as she knows, as much as that's killed me, except for our Cotillion meetings."

"You underestimate Blair," Serena said grimly. "Dan barely knows us and he's already assumed that we've got something going on so Blair is definitely onto us."

Nate tensed slightly when she mentioned Dan's name and she kissed him lightly, his tension dissipating quickly. "She'll always have her suspicions, it's Blair, but I don't think it's something we have to worry about right now," Nate said and Serena nodded but he could tell she was still nervous.

"Is Blair the only thing that's bothering you?" Nate asked. "Coz if you want we could just skip Cotillion all together," Nate said suggestively, his fingers ghosting over her sides as his lips touched her neck.

"It'll be worse if we do that, although right now…" she said giggling as his fingers pushed up her top. He could see the doubt about the next day seeping out of her eyes and he smiled because he could do that.

Serena got through the next day fairly well, Blair had called her over to have their hair and make-up done and put on their dresses before the boys picked them up. She was nibbling on one of the many snacks Blair had Dorota make them when her tummy clenched and she felt the bile rising in her throat, jumping out of her seat she made it to the bathroom just in time to empty the contents of her tummy without messing the toilet.

By the time she got back Blair was entering the room with the hairdresser's and make-up artists. Serena would have been fine doing her hair and make-up herself but Blair insisted that they should be done by professionals.

"What happened to you?" Blair asked as soon as she saw Serena and Serena panicked, she was sure she looked fine, she threw some water on her face and opened the windows to get rid of the odor.

"Nothing, it was just a little hot in here," Serena said smiling and sitting down again turning to face the mirror, she looked pale and her face was damp from when she washed it mixed with her sweat, no wonder Blair thought something was wrong.

Blair talked to the ladies, instructing them on what to do while Serena focused mainly on keeping her tummy from reacting to anything else, she hoped Blair didn't notice the fact that she was only nibbling slightly on some of the salty crackers that Dorota had brought and she wasn't drinking the champagne but juice Dorota had brought up with a knowing look that Serena hated.

It was only when everyone had left and they were putting on their dresses later that Blair stopped to stare at her best friend. "What's wrong?" Serena asked extremely conscious of Blair looking at her exposed tummy, her arms going around her tummy hiding it from view.

"You're slipping S, I know you've been eating a lot of junk food after Humphrey left you but even I didn't think you'd eaten enough to let yourself gain weight," Blair said and Serena sighed in relief, she was still tiny, her waist only expanding the slightest bit to accommodate the month old fetus and the cravings that came with it but of course Blair picked up on it.

"It's not that B, I've just skipped the gym a few times this month," Serena said watching her best friend for a reaction. Blair frowned and slipped her dress on.

"If I were you I'd stop skipping the gym sessions," Blair said and Serena shook her head, making a mental note to speak to her grandmother about staying with her sooner, Blair would be watching her waist like a hawk, waiting for things to pick on anything to make herself feel better about herself.

It wasn't something Serena usually cared about, Blair always felt Serena had things easier so anything Blair found wrong with Serena to make herself feel better, Serena would let her because they were best friends and best friends protect each other that way. Best friends didn't steal the others boyfriend and then get pregnant by said boyfriend and that was something Serena would hate herself for the rest of her life but she loved Nate more than anything and she knew they were forever.

The night went as smoothly as could be expected, Serena and Nate tried as hard as possible not to touch each other too much for the fear of being caught out and everyone was awkward because it was the first time since Nate and Blair's break-up that they were all together. Chuck sat back and smirked as the other three looked around nervously and made small-talk.

It started of awkward but as the night progressed the nervousness and awkwardness seeped out and they were just best friends, no other relationships other than that defined them. They joked and laughed and danced until finally Serena and Nate were able to slip out.

"Thank God that was over," Serena said as she and Nate walked out of the ballroom it was the first time that night that he got to kiss her.

"I could have been over a long time ago if you let me drag you out of there," Nate said touching their noses together and smiling.

"I was actually having some fun," Serena said, Blair's comments from earlier were forgotten quickly and she could just relax with her best friend.

"Ah ha," he said distractedly, his fingers tickling her side and she giggled at his touch.

"Stop it, we're going to get caught," she squeaked trying to be quiet.

"Everyone is having such a good time in there I doubt they even noticed us leave," he said wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close to him and kissing her again. "Chuck slipped something into the punch, makes them all a little loopy."

"No wonder you stole my cup before I could have any," Serena said pressing her lips to his neck as he nodded, chuckling slightly.

"Oh my God," came Blair's strangled voice from the doorway, Serena and Nate both jumped away from each other froze turning to look at her. Blair's eyes were wide and Chuck was right next to her leaning against the door, his eyebrows raised at the blonds but his face showed no surprise.

"I don't think she had any idea something was happening," Nate whispered so softly only Serena could hear and she nodded and gulped.

"Blair I….." Serena began.

"Shut up," Blair said gruffly, her eyes darting back and forth between the two of them. "I never thought the two of you would do this to me again, you cheated, again."

"Blair we're broken up," Nate said and she turned to him, narrowing her eyes and balling her fists.

"Two weeks Nate, two," Blair shrieked and Chuck quickly shut the door he was leaning on, the music wasn't going to be loud enough to drown out Blair's voice when she screamed. "You aren't even denying that you cheated, how could you? How could either of you? I trusted you, after everything I trusted you."

"Blair we never meant to hurt you," Serena said, crossing her arms protectively across her stomach, this was the last thing she needed.

"And you love each other and that makes it alright to cheat, again," Blair said cutting her off and glaring at her. "At least this time you had the decency to break up with me."

"Blair it wasn't like that," Nate said and Blair took a breath and rubbed her hands over her face.

"Then how was it Nate?" Blair asked she was close to tears.

"You weren't meant to get hurt, we didn't plan for this to happen," Nate says stepping forward to touch her but stops at the last second when Chuck shakes his head furiously to warn him against it. Luckily Blair is watching Serena not him.

"No of course you couldn't have planned for this, nobody ever plans to get _caught_," Blair said angrily, her eyes focused on Serena. "You're my best friend S, how could you do this?"

"I didn't mean to hurt you B," Serena said shakily, her eyes brimming with tears. _Damn these pregnancy hormones_ she thought. "You weren't supposed to know until you were over him."

Serena didn't know why she was being honest, she just wanted this to be over, she hated that her relationship with Nate was the cause of her now strained friendship with Blair. She wiped at her dry eyes, taking another shaky breath, hoping to control her emotions as Chuck and Nate watched on, neither sure of what they should do.

"Of course, that's a brilliant plan S," Blair said with a sarcastic laugh. "Let's go," she said harshly glancing back at Chuck and making her way for the stairs.

"No, Blair, wait," Serena called walking to her quickly. "Blair."

"I don't want any more explanations from you Serena," Blair said stopping so abruptly Serena almost bumped into her. "I'm leaving."

"Blair," Serena tried again reaching out to her.

"No," Blair said pushing Serena away from her. Serena stumbled back, her shoes slipping on the smooth floor, she reached back to grab the rail only to realize too late that she was further from it then she assumed and fell.

Nate's eye's widened and his heart stopped as he watched his girlfriend slip down the stairs, he could barely find his voice to call out to her before sprinting down the stairs to get to her at the bottom, her eyes were closed and her hand clutching the fabric of her dress at her tummy.

"Nate my head hurts," she said weakly as he kneeled down next to her. He quickly ran his hand over her head to find some blood, were she'd knocked it against the side of the step.

"Shit," Nate said glancing up at Chuck and Blair watching them. "Call 911 or just get the limo around we're going to the hospital."

His hands were shaky as he picked her off the ground. "I don't like stairs," Serena said once they were walking toward the door.

"I agree with you there," Nate said with a smile, she was still awake, that was a good sign. He can't remember the last time he's been as scared as he was when he saw her lose her balance and fall. "We're taking you to the hospital, they can check you out to see if you really are ok."

"Nate, the baby," Serena said weakly burying her face into his neck and Nate nodded, he'd completely forgotten about the baby, turning to push the door open with his back. "Do you think something happened to the baby?"

Nate glanced up at Chuck and Blair following them, the earlier argument seemed forgotten. "We'll check all of that out at the hospital," he said and she nodded. Nate walked as quick as possible slipping into the limo, Blair and Chuck got in behind him. The ride to the hospital was tense, Serena struggled to keep herself awake the entire time.

By the time they reached the hospital Serena was drifting, the wound on her head deep enough to require a few stiches. The rooms were white and Nate was by her side when the doctors came into view, shining a light in her eyes and talking around her, she felt herself reaching out to Nate but her own actions felt foreign, she started to panic when she couldn't find him, there were too many people around her, crowding her. They needed to move, they were suffocating her and then just as suddenly as the feeling came it was gone and it was black.

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><p><strong>AN : ok so that was a really long wait, sorry about that but I actually like this chapter, from this story this is one of the few that I am really happy with, so please review and let me know what you think, also if I ever start a songfic like story like this please stop me or remind me to keep them to one-shots lol **

**Anyway there are maybe 2 or 3 chapters left I'm too lazy to check, i'm halfway done with the next chapter so I'll only know then how many chaps are left**

**Please review, Until next time (^^,)**


	12. Lips of an Angel

_It's really good to hear your voice saying my name it sounds so sweet  
>Coming from the lips of an angel hears those words it makes me weak<br>But I never want to say goodbye, but girl you make it hard to be faithful  
>With the lips of an angel<em>

"Nate," Serena said as she woke up looking for him, her sweet voice breaking him from his trance. He was just sitting and watching her from the side of her bed, he was so relieved to hear her voice. The doctors told them that she'd wake up soon but it felt so long.

"Hey," he whispered smiling and squeezing her hand. "You're awake."

"Where am I?" she asked looking around the room, her eyelids still heavy from sleep as she looked around the room.

"You don't remember?" Nate asked and she shook her head slightly, wincing because her head hurt from the slight movement. "You slipped and fell down a flight of stairs, hit your head kinda hard but it's not too bad."

"I slipped?" she said questionably, working it all out in her mind. "Cotillion," she suddenly remembered. "You haven't changed," she commented looking at his disheveled dress shirt and formal pants.

"Yeah," Nate said looking down at his clothes. "I wanted to be here when you woke up."

Serena smiled at him, "Is Blair still angry?"

"I don't know," Nate said shaking his head. "She didn't really say anything to me but she is just worried now I guess, she's gone home, she said she'll come back in the morning."

"Ok good," Serena said her hand drifting down to her tummy when she realized something. "Natie, what happened to the baby?"

Nate bit his lip and looked down, he took a deep breath before looking back up at her. "We urm, the fall caused you to miscarry."

Serena looked at him and nodded, her eye's filling with tears. She pressed her fingers into her tummy and bit her bottom lip.

"Serena?" Nate said trying to get her attention.

"Can I be alone?" she asked blinking back her tears and looking away from him.

"Serena I'm not going to leave you alone," Nate said and Serena ripped her hand out of his grasp. Turning her entire body away from him, Nate wanted to hold her again but he knew that she'd get more upset so he leaned down and kissed her cheek before leaving her alone.

Nate stopped at the door, his hand gripping the handle and turned back to her, she was laying with her back to him, her shoulders were rising and falling unevenly so he knew she was either trying to keep the tears at bay or crying already. He thought maybe he'd regret this later but if he didn't say something now he would never build up the emotions that he has built up right now.

"You didn't want it," he finally says, it didn't come out with as much venom as he thought it would contain, more like a statement made about the weather.

"What?" she asks, turning to face him, her eyes are red and there's a tear running down her cheek and it makes him feel horrible for bringing this up but he needs to know.

"How can you be so upset?" he asked and her face scrunched up in confusion. Wiping the tears from her eyes she stared up at him like he was speaking a different language.

"I just found out I had a miscarriage Nate," she said harshly, her eyes hard as she stared at him. "How can I not be upset?"

"Ironic isn't it though," Nate said crossing his arms across his chest and she raised her eyebrows, questioning him. "You didn't want this baby in the first place and now it's gone."

"How can you think I wouldn't be upset because I considered the consequences of keeping it," she asked, she looked livid and Nate flinched internally, watching her. "I kept the baby for you, I got used to the idea because you wanted this and I was willing to fight everyone because you would."

"You did all of this for me so why are you pushing me away now?" Nate asked throwing his arms out to make his question more forceful.

"Because I hate the look you get in your eyes," she said, the tears making a comeback. "I lost something that meant a lot to you and I don't want to feel like I'm the source of your pain," she said and he frowned.

"So what are you never going to look at me in the eye ever again because you're afraid of the guilt you're going to feel over something that wasn't your fault?" he asked walking to her bed in three quick strides and taking her face in his hands forcing her to look into his eyes. "I don't blame you for this, its no-ones fault, these things happen."

As soon as his hands fell from her cheeks she turned away she still couldn't look at him, she was going to blame herself no matter what he said. If she wasn't confined to the hospital bed because she felt so weak she would have been on the first train out of the city.

"You have to believe me," Nate said looking at her incredulously. "What will it take to help you?"

"We weren't ready, maybe this was a good thing," she said, she wasn't looking at him, she was looking at the space between the tiles on the floor. "Nobody else knows."

Nate knew that she needed to accept it and be ok with it as he needed to but he didn't expect her to let it go just like that. "Nobody else knows," he confirms. "So now you think it's a good thing?"

"What do you want from me Nate?" she asks bringing her hands to her hair and running her fingers through the tangled mess on her head.

"I want you to let me in, I want you to… God I don't even know what I want you to do," he says running his hands through his own hair before bringing them down to rub roughly at his face.

"I don't know how to make this better," she finally says after a long stretch of silence.

Nate watches her for a long time, he doesn't say anything, he just stares. Sighing he walks over to her bedside and sits heavily on the chair leaning toward her on the bed. "I need to give you this," he says digging into his pocket and handing her a small black velvet box, she knows what's inside because of the way its packaged and her throat tightens and she can't breathe she can't believe he's doing this.

"Nate," she says choking on his name, her hand is clutching tightly at the box as she extends her hand to return it.

"You don't understand, I don't want it back," he says shaking his head. "I was told to give it to the person I love the most, my _soulmate_. I already know that I'm never going to love anyone as much as I love you so it's yours, do whatever you want with it just don't return it, I can't look at it without being reminded of you, of this."

"Nate," Serena starts, there's warning bells ringing in her head because he's talking like she's never going to see him again or they are going to hate each other enough not to speak ever again and that's worse then if he had actually proposed.

"I'm not running away, that's more your thing," he says quietly, his eyes on the box and she flinches visibly. "But I can't be with you anymore, at least not for a while, I think we rushed into this, I should have had an ending with Blair and I shouldn't have made you my … my mistress. I do love you but I think we both need this break, you losing this baby probably is a good thing, we aren't ready to be together, there was no way we'd be ready to be responsible for another human being."

Serena is still speechless when he finishes, she's seen Nate at his best and worse and this just goes beyond that sadness she's seen at his worst. She's almost scared of what he's going to do next, his eyes look hollow and distant and she hates it. She'd always seen Nate as the one person that would want her, he'd never reject her no matter how broken she was because he was infatuated with her, he loved her.

"I'll see you soon," he says turning away, his hand is on the handle turning it when she speaks.

"I love you too," he knows she means it, it's not meant to make him stay, it's just her stating the truth. It's barely a whisper but he hears it because his ears are so attuned to the sound of Serena van der Woodsen.

She see's his head bob when she speaks and then he opens the door and he's gone, she doesn't realize how tightly she's gripping the box until she looks down to see her hand turning white. When she opens it, she gasps, it was his grandmother's ring, it's not the van der Bilt one that Blair has been after since they were twelve but the Archibald one that she'd only ever seen once by accident after his grandmother passed on.

She can't take it out of its place, so she snaps the box shut and leaves the ring safely intact, sitting in its satin seat. It's then that she really cries because not only has she lost the baby she'd been getting used to for the past few weeks but she'd lost her Nate as well.

The doctors come by when she's done and she can't help but think that they have excellent timing for missing her meltdown, she keeps her grip on the velvet box and the nurses, as curios as they are, let her keep it.

Blair drops by to make sure she's ok as promised and as soon as she's spoken to the doctor about her condition and finds out everything is fine she turns into the bitch Serena was expecting. She screams and she cries and she doesn't notice that Serena isn't making an effort to fight her back like she would if her mind was there because she's consumed by her own pain and anger.

It takes a long time for Blair to get everything out of her system, turning on her heel and stalking out of the room once she's done probably taking Chuck with her when she left. Serena feels alone after that, Blair cared enough to give her that lecture and she's guessing Chuck cares somehow if he were there even if it wasn't to see her but they are both gone and so is Nate, they've all left her and she is completely alone.

It feels like only a few hours have passed not a day as she sits on her bed and stares at the floor, her mind is numb as she replays her last conversation with Nate, her hand automatically tightens around the box. She remembers the words Blair used, meant to slice her but barely making a dent after Nate walked out.

She wonders if her brother knows, if her mother cares that she isn't home, she's in a hospital. Her questions are answered when her grandmother signs her out of hospital with Erik beside her, Lily is too busy preparing for the wedding coming up soon. Serena needs to get her dress from the store, and write out an appropriate speech and pretend like their lives are full of rainbows and butterfly's. Her brother shrugs apologetically as her grandmother lists of all the things she's meant to do.

When they get home she retreats to her room and closes the door only to find Chuck lounging on her bed with one of her teddies in his grip and a smirk on his face. "So how long were you planning on keeping this a secret from me," he asks and she rolls her eyes. "You should know by now that I don't let anything get passed me, it's actually a disappointment that I let the seriousness of yours and Nathaniel's relationship pass by me so easily."

"It's over," Serena says flatly, placing the box on her dressing table with the rest of her jewelry to make it as inconspicuous as possible.

"Oh that's going to be uncomfortable," Chuck says still smirking and Serena turns to him sharply. "He's coming to the wedding and he's sitting at our table, I think the seating charts have him in the middle of the two of us."

"Get out," Serena says calmly turning herself back to the mirror and going through the handbag on the table. She looks up again after a moment to see Chuck watching her carefully as though he's assessing how she reacts to anything. She's not in any mood to humor him so tells him to leave again and this time he leaves with a witty comment, one that she doesn't make an attempt to hear.

It takes her too long to fall asleep that night, she's fighting an internal battle that doesn't care whether her brain functions efficiently or not the next day. She finally does fall of to sleep but only after the puts on Nate's sweater and the ring he's left her with. Tomorrow she'll find a necklace long enough to hide the ring but tonight she needs it on to keep her sanity.

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><p><strong>AN : ok so i think I've really dragged this story out, the final chapter will be out soon, I hope you guys enjoyed it but I guess it was a little bit of a disaster waiting to happen because it was so far away from how I normally write hehe, anyway please read and review!**

**I have to say thank you to Jess for her review last chapter and apologise because she had to lose the baby! So sorry**

**Anyway guys until next time (^^,)**


	13. Honey why you calling me, so late?

**_Disclaimer : I do not own Gossip Girl or Lips of an Angel_**

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><p><em>Honey why're you calling me, so late<em>

"Why are you torturing me," Blair asked as soon as he opened the door to let her in.

Nate blinked a couple of times and raised his eyebrow watching her walk past him, "What are you talking about?"

"You are going out with her, _again_," Blair said crossing her arms. "I don't like her."

"Her name is Mandy and _I_ like her," Nate said closing the door and Blair frowned. "You don't like anyone I like."

"That's because you and I both know there's only one girl for you," she said with a triumphant smile.

"And you and I both know that she's been gone for three years," Nate said scratching his head. "I'm not going to sit around and wait for nothing."

"As far as I know _you_ were the one that said _you_ needed time, _you_ can call her back," Blair said poking at his chest every time she said 'you'.

"Ow," Nate complained rubbing at his chest. "Maybe I'm not ready."

"I don't care, act like you're ready, I haven't seen my best friends in three years, I've been getting phone calls and emails and that's it, no location," Blair said.

"You know you can just ask Chuck to locate her," Nate reminded her.

"But I do not want to drag her back kicking and screaming, I want her to come back because she wants to," Blair said sitting down on his couch and looking up at him unexpectedly.

Nate sighed and flopped onto the couch opposite her, "I can't call her," Nate said watching Blair's eyes grow comically wide. "I want to know where she is and I really wish that she would come home but she doesn't want to, you know it would be too painful, too many memories."

"It can't be that painful! I get that the two of you broke up but right now the only thing keeping her away is you, I miss her and I know you do to, just make it happen," Blair said walking out of the apartment.

Nate sighed, Blair had not been his girlfriend for over three years yet she still tried to control his life. Once Serena left the hospital they attended Lily and Bart's wedding, it was awkward and infuriating because the four of them were barely talking to each other, depressed in their own ways and therefore making it impossible to try and have fun at the wedding.

Serena left directly after with barely a goodbye to Erik, Cece took her bags and the other things she'd want when she left the next day. She and Blair managed to patch things up after about a month, Nate decided he would never understand how girls work, especially after all the drama they'd been through, the looks and the words and the anger it all just seemed to vanish. Now when Blair spoke of Serena it was a longing to see her best friend again not an obligatory mention of Serena to let the minions know that they were still in contact.

"I warned you, didn't I?" Chuck asked when he answered Nate's call.

"I told you not to tell Blair I was taking her out on another date," Nate said and Chuck laughed on the other end of the line. "Of course you can never keep a secret from Blair."

"Sarcasm Nathaniel," Chuck scolded lightly and Nate rolled his eyes. "Just do us all a favor and call this girl and cancel then call me back and I'll give you Serena's address and a ticket to fly to wherever the hell she is."

"You don't know?" Nate stated, surprised that his best friend didn't already know where Serena was.

"I'll find out in three seconds if you say the word," Chuck said and Nate sighed.

"You're obviously no help, I'll call you later," Nate said and Chuck laughed again.

"_I_ am plenty help, you just don't want to listen to any advice Blair or I give you," he told Nate.

"That is because I know that if I follow your advice it will cause me great pain," Nate said thinking about the rejection in Serena's eyes when she saw the ring.

"It's worth it Nathaniel," Chuck said before cutting the call.

Nate sighed and looked at himself in the mirror, he needed to shave, he called Mandy and cancelled their date, apologizing and explaining that something came up with Chuck and Blair before cutting the call and throwing the phone onto the bed angrily, he was letting them control his life, leading him to her whether he wanted to see her or not.

The last time he saw her he gave her a ring, _an engagement ring_, he didn't mean to freak her out but at some point he knew he'd propose, she was pregnant with his baby and he was head over heels in love with her but the look in her eyes, the fear of commitment after losing the baby and the knowledge that they were so in a rush to be together after finding out about her pregnancy that they forgot to be with each other made him realize how not ready to be together they were and that they needed space, he just didn't think the need for space would drive her out of their lives for three years.

Serena never told Blair about her miscarriage and he never told Chuck although he had a feeling his best friend figured it out when it happened. The two of them were the only two people Serena and Nate would ever consider speaking to about their problems but they'd never bring up the baby they lost, the pain from that time was burned into his memory, he hated that just thinking about Serena could ignite such strong emotions in him. He knew if they spoke about it he could let it go and maybe they could find peace, or some kind of closure, he didn't know what he was looking for but he had a feeling Serena was the answer.

"I'm saying the word, where is she?" Nate said walking into Chuck's Empire suite, without warning and hoping that Chuck and Blair aren't busy.

"Really?" Blair asks from where she's standing across the room from him and Nate nods, not at all ready for Blair to fly into his arms and cut his air supply in such a tight hug.

"Air," he finally manages to sputter out and Blair lets go of him, taking a deep breath and walking back toward where Chuck is sitting with a smile on his face.

"Your flight leaves tonight," Chuck says simply, holding out a folder containing Nate's plane ticket and hotel reservations, Serena's address and phone numbers and finally a picture of her now, she looks sad Nate notes and feels guilty for letting her go this long.

"Thanks," Nate said holding the folder up. "How did you know I was going to go?"

"I was hoping," Chuck smirked. "Good luck."

Nate shook his head as he bid them goodbye and left the suite, his mind racing with every thought and feeling he had suppressed over the last three years, he missed her, he loved her but there were those moments when he thought he'd be happy with never seeing her again, those really dark moments when he felt he hated her for destroying him.

'I can do this' he kept thinking as he entered the doors to the airport, with nothing more than a carry-on bag, if he needed anything else he could buy it there or he could just come back home.

He slept through the long flight, bored with the movie selection. It was only when the plane touched the ground again that he felt he was making a huge mistake, of course he wanted to clear everything up, he wanted to work through this pain with her but his insecurities where setting in. What if she turned away from him, what if she found someone else, what if she already found a way to deal with the problems they were meant to tackle together. He wondered how he was going to deal with it if those 'What if' situations came to pass.

He spotted a chauffer holding a bored with his name and smiled to himself, Chuck always thought of everything. He let the man take his bag and lead him to the limo, he wasn't sure whether to go to Serena now or later. He knew if he didn't go now his need to talk to her would be lost and his insecurities would over power it so he gave the driver her address.

Finding his phone, he dialed her number and waited, maybe if he woke her up before banging on her door and spoke to her a little first then she wouldn't slam the door shut in his face.

"Hey you've reached Serena," the perky blonds voice made its way to his ears and he sighed, voicemail. He cut the call and tried again hoping Chuck got the right number and that she still slept as light as she used to back then.

"Come on Serena," he whispered tapping his foot impatiently as he waited for her to answer her phone.

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><p>It was late in her world, after a night of partying she just crashed in her hotel room her phone buzzing incessantly in her pocket. When her grandmother offered her an escape from New York she gladly accepted, she spent the first year high and wild, ending up in hotel rooms with people she didn't remember and sometimes even hospitals, up to the point where Cece had to step in before she destroyed what was left of her liver and the family's reputation.<p>

They dumbed down the situation for her mother and brother's sake and Cece gave her granddaughter an ultimatum, thankful when Serena chose to turn her life around instead of sleeping on the streets. It took a lot of time in rehab and therapy for her to calm down enough for Cece to allow her out of the house without supervision. When she started college she started partying again but she didn't touch alcohol and drugs, she knew the consequences and she wanted to live more than she wanted to get high.

She was laying flat on her tummy on the big bed, her eye's closed as she blindly dug around in her pockets for her phone figuring it was her brother checking up at a random time forgetting that it's a lot later where she was like he loves to do.

She thought about New York and her old life a lot, the problems she ran away from, those she didn't touch in therapy and the trinkets she brought with her hanging low on her neck. Finally locating her phone she flipped in open and brought it to her ear mumbling a hello.

"Serena?" came the voice at the other end and Serena shot up on the bed instantly wide awake, her free hand grabbing at the ring on her necklace through her shirt.

"Nate?" she asked matching his questioning tone, she was surprised that he tried contacting her after three years, hurt that it took him so long but she couldn't help the smile that made its way onto her face or the tears that rolled down her cheeks as they spoke.

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><p><strong>AN : Guys thats the end of Lips of an Angel lol I would like to thank everyone who reviewed for helping me get through to the end of it, it was a bit of a hopeless piece and im sorry for that but I'm going back to writing for fluff, im not a writer so i can't write stories like this as nicely as I want to**

**Anyway I hope you enjoyed this ending, I may write a follow up but I said that for two of my other stories as well so maybe you shouldnt hold me to this hehehe**

**Please review and let me know what you think, hopefully my future projects turn out better. Dont get me wrong I love this story but it didnt turn out as amazing as i'd hoped**

**Until next time (^^,)**


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